


Night Shifts

by Bow_Ties



Series: Night Shifts [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Angst, Detective!Yaz, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Grace is alive because SHE DESERVED BETTER, Paramedic!13, Slow Burn, some chapters contain brief mentions of violence or attempted sexual assault, tw: anxiety attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:46:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22175008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow_Ties/pseuds/Bow_Ties
Summary: Paramedic Jane Smith loves working nights, as it presents the perfect distraction from dealing with her past.Detective Yasmin Khan wants to move up in the force, but her Sergeant keeps banishing her to the night shift.The two women couldn't be more different, and they inevitably get off on the wrong foot -  yet fate keeps bringing them together.Now updating Wednesdays AND Saturdays
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Series: Night Shifts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1702453
Comments: 663
Kudos: 595





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I feel like I have been working on this story literally forever, but since I got a decent chunk of it written now, I decided to finally start posting. I'm aiming at uploading once a week for now :)  
> Before we begin, I want to say a massive thanks to JTtrack2, not just for editing, but also for repeatedly screaming "I NEED MORE" at me, motivating me to finally get more of this done! :D

Jane Smith was enjoying a moment on her own in between calls, breathing in the fresh night air while enjoying the view from what had quickly become her favourite spot at the hospital. She watched the night sky, tainted a peculiar red tonight, while sitting cross-legged on the roof of the maternity wing and clutching a warm mug of tea in both her hands. The night shift had proven to be strangely quiet today, with only one call so far, an elderly woman suffering a myocardial infarction. Jane had managed to resuscitate her on the scene and they had rushed her into the hospital for an emergency bypass operation. It was the part that Jane liked least about her job - the moment where she had to let go, when there was nothing more she could do and the next person had to take over. When she had first started out, she had earned quite a bit of teasing from her colleagues for going back at the end of her shift to check in with the patients they had brought in earlier. They had taken to jokingly calling her “the Doctor” after they had caught her one too many times with a patient’s chart in her hand. Years later, the nickname still stuck to her wherever she went - as did her habit of checking up on patients.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the tell-tale crackle of her transceiver.

_ “Jane, we’ve got another one.” _

Unclipping the transceiver from her belt, she put down her half-full mug and jumped up on her feet.

_ “On my way.” _

The maternity wing was connected to the casualty department via skyway, which Jane was now jogging through, her heavy boots thumping with every step. As soon as she entered the other building, she turned towards the staircase, jumping down two, three steps at a time. Walking out through the glass sliding doors, she saw her colleague adjusting his jacket in front of the open back doors of their ambulance. He looked up, smiling warmly at Jane.

“There you are. One day you’ll have to tell me where you disappear off to on our breaks.”

Jane laughed, pulling herself up into the back of the ambulance. “Maybe,” she replied, winking.

Shaking his head, he hoisted himself up, pulling the doors closed behind him. As soon as they clicked shut, the ambulance roared off into the night, sirens blaring.

“So, what have we got, Graham?”

“Knife attack,” the grey-haired man replied, sighing.

Jane scrunched up her face. She was used to seeing a fair amount of injuries in various degrees of nastiness. However, there was always something different about injuries that had been purposefully inflicted, one human to another. Plus, it would mean there would be police involved at the scene, and Jane hadn’t had the best experiences with the Yorkshire bobbies so far.

Looking over at Graham, who was adjusting some equipment to his left, she felt grateful, not for the first time, that they had gotten paired up together. Graham’s grandfatherly kindness was always a calming presence at scenes, especially when there was violence involved.

The ambulance came to a halt, and Jane leaned over to open the doors up. Climbing out, with her first-aid bag in hand, she took in the scene in front of them. They had arrived before the police, and a group of people were standing on the sidewalk, watching something on the floor. Huffing, she started towards them and pushed them to the side.

“Paramedics, step aside please! Can we have some space here, guys?”

The crowd was slow to disperse, opening up to allow Jane to finally see the victim: a young woman, lying on the ground with her back against the building behind her, clutching her right arm and clearly fighting to stay conscious. A couple of curious onlookers lingered around, only backing away when Jane shot them a stern glance.

As soon as the area around the woman was clear, Jane kneeled down and leaned towards her, speaking softly while assessing the state she was in.

“Hello there, sweetheart. Can you tell me your name?”

The woman’s glassy eyes looked up at Jane, who gave her a warm smile of encouragement.

“Emma,” she breathed out.

“Alright, Emma, my name is Jane, and I’ll have to quickly examine you. Can you tell me where you’re hurting?”

“My… arm.”

Gently, Jane lifted the woman’s arm, and she hissed in reply.

“I’m sorry,” she said sympathetically. “We’ll be all done in a minute.”

She nodded at Graham, who knelt down next to her to put an oxygen mouth over the victim’s face.

“Here you go, cockle. That’ll help.”

Jane had a quick look at the woman’s arm, then proceeded to carefully examine the rest of her body. But she had been lucky, as the flesh wounds in her right arm were the only injuries. Other than that, the woman was clearly in shock, although the oxygen that Graham was administering to her was visibly helping her regain her senses. Jane helped her sit up, then pulled a pair of scissors out of her bag. Seeing the woman’s eyes immediately filling with panic at the flash of silver metal, Jane put a calming hand on her shoulder.

“I just need to cut open your sweater, Emma, to get a look at your wounds. It’ll be done in a second.”

She waited until the woman calmed down and nodded, then proceeded to cut the fabric, revealing angry red flesh underneath.

“Emma, do you think you can walk? I’ll have to give you stitches, and it’s best done in the ambulance.”

The young woman stretched her left arm out in response, a silent question to be helped up.

While Jane had been working, the police had arrived, announced by sirens and blue light. As Jane and Graham gently guided Emma towards the ambulance, she saw a brunette in plainclothes getting out of the unmarked car and walking up to her.

“Emma, is it alright if Graham here takes care of your stitches?”

“Alright,” Emma replied, still shaken, obviously looking forward to sitting down inside the ambulance once again.

Jane carefully let go of her and turned towards the policewoman, feeling her usual protectiveness flare up. She knew the woman was just here to do her job, yet she had witnessed too many of her colleagues carelessly pressing already traumatised victims, and she wasn’t going to let that happen tonight. Crossing her arms, she blocked the inside of the ambulance from the woman’s view.

“DC Khan,” the brunette said, stretching out a hand towards Jane.

There was something in her eyes that made Jane soften up a bit as she shook her hand. “Jane Smith,” she replied, making a point out of giving her full name - a curtesy she had been denied.

Something tensed in the air between them as the Detective Constable squared her shoulders. “Right, your assessment?”

Jane had to repress a smile. She knew her kind, a young woman in a field dominated by men, trying to cover up her inexperience with a fake air of police confidence.

“Stab wounds in the right arm, no major arteries hurt, but she is in shock and does require stitches, which my colleague is administering right now. We might have to take her in to have a CT, there’s a possibility she hit her head as she fell during the attack. We found her lying on the floor with her back against that building when we arrived.”

“Alright, if I could just quickly…”

_ Always the same. _

“If you would be so kind as to let my colleague finish with the stitches, DC Khan?”

Jane made sure to emphasise the woman’s title, and watched a slight irritation flit over her face before she regained her composure.

“Of course,” the DC replied, barely hiding her sour tone as she turned around and walked over to her colleague, a young black officer taking the statements from the onlookers Jane had chased away before. Jane watched them for a while; the DC who had talked to her was clearly in charge, organising the witnesses and telling them when they were allowed to leave. 

“Hey, Jane.”

She whirled around, looking at Graham who was peeking around the ambulance door. “Yes?”

“She said she did hit her head when she fell, so we’ll have to take her in after they interview her.”

Jane nodded. “Are you all done with the stitches?”

“Yes. Should I tell the -”

He had stopped mid-sentence and Jane turned to follow his gaze, which was attached to the two DCs on the other side of the road.

“No way!” Graham exclaimed behind her, then proceeded to wave his arm. “Ryan, Yaz!”

“Oh.” Surprised, Jane looked up at her colleague. “I hadn’t realised.”

She watched as the two DCs turned and started walking back to the ambulance with smiles on their faces as soon as they saw Graham. Jumping out of the ambulance, Graham enveloped the male constable in a warm hug.

“Fancy running into you, son!”

“Yeah yeah,” the young man replied, visibly a bit embarrassed by his grandfather’s public show of affection. “I’m on the job, granddad.”

“Oh, so DCs don’t get hugs?”

The man smiled, patting Graham on the arm. “Alright alright.”

“Jane!” Graham said, turning around. “I don’t think you’ve ever met my grandson, Ryan.”

Ryan gave a small wave.

“And his partner and friend, Yaz.”

“Yasmin,” the woman stiffly corrected.

Jane had to resist the urge to roll her eyes.

_ Touchy _ .

There was a moment of awkward silence between the four of them, until Graham finally broke it. “Emma is ready to be interviewed, but she’s still a bit shaken.”

“You take this one,” Ryan said, gesturing towards Yasmin, who nodded and hoisted herself up into the back of the ambulance.

“Hello. My name is Yaz, what’s yours?”

It was like a different woman had taken over, and Jane had to resist the urge to turn around and check if it was really still the same person she heard talking behind her right now that had introduced herself to her before. She stood still, listening to the DC behind her interviewing the young patient with great care and gentleness. Starting to feel a little bit of guilt rise up inside her for judging the woman so quickly, she walked over to where her bag was still standing on the floor and started to sort it all back together as Ryan and Graham were casually chatting to each other. By the time she returned to the ambulance, DC Khan was jumping out again, nodding at Ryan.

“Got it,” she said. “Thanks Graham, we’ll be on our way now.”

Graham nodded, affectionately patting both Ryan and Yasmin on the shoulder. “You two have a safe rest of the night, yes?”

“You, too,” Ryan replied.

“Miss Smith,” DC Khan said, nodding stiffly at Jane. 

Jane felt her own guilt evaporate at the once again cold behaviour of the woman. “DC Khan.”

Without another word, the DC turned around and walked back to her car, Ryan in tow. Jane was left behind watching after her, shaking her head.

“Jane?”

“Yes!”

Tearing her gaze away from the police woman, she turned and jumped back up into the ambulance to join Graham, pulling the door closed behind them.

“We’ve just got another one!”, their driver, a young ginger woman, called out over her shoulder. “Unconscious person, potentially heavily inebriated.”

Sighing, Graham closed his seatbelt, and looked up at Jane. “Off we go, I guess.”

“Off we go.”

Sirens blaring once again, they shot off into the night, but not before Jane caught herself glancing out through the back window for a last look at the unmarked police car behind them. She had a feeling she would run in Yasmin Khan more often in the future, and somehow, she knew the woman would be trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to say that I was overwhelmed in the best possible way by all your reactions to the first chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos or took the time to comment!
> 
> And then there's a trigger warning for this chapter: it contains some mentions of attempted sexual assault. If this is a trigger for you, please be safe <3
> 
> Now, sirens on, and off we go!

Yasmin Khan had had a bad day. Or rather, a very bad week. When she decided to move on from being a simple police woman and become a Detective Constable, she had hoped it would finally gain her a bit more respect from her male colleagues. Instead, she had catapulted herself into an environment where she was not only the only woman around, but most of her colleagues were even more sceptical towards working with her. Now, to top it all off, her Detective Sergeant had decided to put her and Ryan on the night shift for the whole week, for no other apparent reason than the boys’ squad having the day shift to themselves. She had been so annoyed upon leaving his office that she had sat down at her desk, pulled up the website of the administrative department and printed out the application form for the Sergeant’s exam.

_ As if. _

Now, it was lying in her desk, laughing at her every time she opened the drawer.

Sighing in defeat, Yasmin let her head fall onto her desk, groaning. Her body hadn’t fully adjusted to the night shift yet, and there was just something entirely unpleasant about being stuck doing paperwork at 3:30 am. At least the day before yesterday, there had been a call, and they had even run into Graham - always a welcome coincidence. An image of his new partner flashed through her mind.

_ Jane Smith. _

The woman was gorgeous, that much she was willing to admit. However, her stand-offish attitude had caught Yaz entirely on the wrong foot. The blonde had acted as if Yaz was about to jump at the victim and shake her down for information, something her male colleagues were admittedly prone to doing. Yaz, however, prided herself in being a gentle and kind interviewer, and the fact the paramedic had just assumed otherwise without even knowing her had definitely rubbed her the wrong way. She found herself hoping they wouldn’t run into each other too much in the future.

_ Great, now I can’t even look forward to seeing Graham anymore. _

Lifting her head and rubbing at her eyes, she returned her attention to the screen in front of her, trying to type in the report from yesterday. When her phone rang, her heart jumped into her throat.

_ Yes! _

“DC Khan.”

“We’ve got a potential sexual assault on Newcastle Street.”

Yaz felt her heart drop immediately.  _ Shit. _

“We’re on our way.”

Hanging up the phone, she jumped out of her chair and threw on her leather jacket, hurrying towards the door.

“Ryan!” she called out towards the break room, and her sleepy looking colleague poked his head around the corner, fresh mug of coffee in hand. “We’ve gotta go.”

Sighing, Ryan disappeared to empty his mug out into the sink, then followed her out of the building, towards their black, unmarked car parked in front.

“What’s it today? Another assault?” Ryan asked as he tossed Yaz the keys. 

She caught them mid-air and without another word, slipped into the driver’s seat. Her face was tense, and she gripped the steering wheel with both hands as soon as the motor roared to life underneath her feet.

Ryan took one look at her, then covered his eyes with his hand. “Shit”, he muttered.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

They drove through the streets of Sheffield in loaded silence, the only sound being the rain insistently knocking onto the roof of their car. Both of them were mentally preparing themselves for what they were about to face. They knew, of course, that sexual assaults fell under their kind of case load, still, this was the first time both of them would have to face the victim of such a crime. Knife wounds, gun shots, hostage situations, Yaz had been trained to handle them all and she knew she could. This, however, made a previously unknown kind of anxiety rise at the back of her throat.

_ Calm down. _

If she and her partner arrived at the scene agitated, it wouldn’t do anyone any good - least of all the victim, who needed them at their best.

When they finally turned around a corner onto Newcastle Street, Yaz took a deep breath, parking the car just a few steps away from a small group of three people.

As she stepped out of the car, the rain drizzling onto her head, her eyes fell upon a reflection of the moon, distorted in a puddle at her feet. It looked almost grey, as if it couldn’t quite get itself to shine properly upon all of this. Shaking her head, she turned around to see there was no ambulance yet. Her next glance fell upon a young woman, maybe not even twenty years old, sitting on the ground, staring ahead with empty eyes.

“Ryan?”

“Of course.”

Ryan turned to guide the three people standing with the victim a couple of steps away, interviewing them about what they had potentially witnessed.

Taking a deep breath, Yaz sank down onto the floor, a safe distance away from the girl. There was a trickle of blood running down her temple and Yaz found herself checking down the street for the paramedics once again.

“Hi”, Yaz said, making sure her voice was soft and gentle. “I’m DC Khan, but you can call me Yaz.”

The woman remained motionless, giving no visible indication that she had heard anything.

“You don’t have to talk, but can you let me know if you can hear me?”

Again, there was no response at first. Then, slowly, the young woman blinked, once, twice.

“Well done”, Yaz smiled at her. “I want you to know that you are safe now, alright? We are here to help you.”

She felt the rain soak further into her trousers as the woman blinked once more. Opening her mouth to ask her next question, Yaz felt bile rise up at the back of her throat. She hated herself for having to do this.

“Can you tell me anything about what happened?”

The reaction was immediate and vicious. Pulling her knees back towards her chest, the woman’s eyes widened, and her breathing became shallow. A beat later, she started violently shaking her head, her face contorted in utter terror and pain. 

A moment later, Yaz heard a car coming to a halt behind her, and a door being thrown open.

“Step aside”, someone hissed behind her, and Yaz didn’t need to turn around to recognise who the voice belonged to.

She jumped quickly back on her feet, letting Jane Smith kneel down in her place, Graham just a few steps behind with a bag of first aid supplies. She watched as the paramedic gently, but urgently spoke to the victim, guiding her through the calming of her breathing. The blonde smiled, a soft, genuine smile, as she told the girl how good she was doing.

“I’ve got you”, Jane said as she gently put a hand down on the victim’s shoulder, and Yaz felt her previous annoyance with the woman somehow melt away.

_ She’s a good person _ , she thought as she watched the blonde work, dabbing at the young woman’s head as she cleaned her wound a moment later, still muttering soft words of reassurance to her.

Yaz decided that her time was best used going with Ryan over the statements he had collected, and she walked over to sit in their car, where Ryan had already sought shelter after finishing his interviews.

“What have we got?” she asked as pulled the door shut behind her, immediately relishing in the warm air that was blowing out of the radiator.

“One witness, the other two joined to help after the perp had already left. A…” he checked his notes. “Jenny Miller watched the victim being pulled into this side street.” He pointed towards the place in question. “By a middle aged man wearing a black suit and purple tie. She saw the victim struggle to free herself. As she rushed after them, the perp had already…” he swallowed, obviously trying to keep his emotions in check and remain professional. “Exposed himself, and was groping the victim while pulling off her skirt. Miss Miller said she did the only thing she could think of, which was screaming at the top of her lungs. It grabbed the attention of two young men out for a drink in town, a Fred Johnson and Tom Bredford. They came to help, arriving just as the perp had disappeared around the corner.”

“So you’re saying the perp didn’t get to…”

“He didn’t”, Ryan answered.

Yaz couldn’t stop herself from feeling a quiet relief spread through her chest, closing her eyes to thank Allah for watching over this young woman tonight.

A forceful knock on her window pulled her out of her thoughts, and she opened her eyes to see Jane Smith’s face, lips in a thin line, jaw visibly clenched.

Swallowing, Yaz opened the door and stepped out of the car into the rain once more.

“DC Khan”, the blonde pressed out through clenched teeth. “I am going to restrain myself because we are in public. But I will have you know that if you ever approach a victim like this again, unnecessarily agitating them, I  _ will _ have you reported.”

Yaz felt her blood freeze over. An official complaint was the last thing she needed in her current situation, especially for something that was out of her control. They were trained to interview the victim on sight, even after a sexual assault, and she had only done her job - as gently as she could. She felt enough guilt about the reaction she had unwillingly provoked without the paramedic drilling into her like this.

Before she could say anything, the blonde spun around on her heels and marched back to the ambulance, leaving Yaz standing alone in the rain, who watched the paramedic hoist herself into the back of the ambulance and pull the door shut. 

As the ambulance drove off into the night, Yaz finally shook herself out of her stupor, turning around to slip back into the car.

“What was that about?” Ryan asked, eyebrow lifted.

“I’m… not sure”, Yaz grumbled, and turned the key in the ignition, the motor jumping back to life.

“I updated forensics, they are already getting to work.”

Yaz looked up to see a couple of colleagues busy searching the scene for potential evidence. They must have arrived while she was talking to Jane - or rather, Jane had been talking to her. 

Nodding, she drove the car away from the scene.

“Did we get any calls on the radio while I was outside?”

Ryan shook his head. “What do you think about getting a nice cup of coffee somewhere? The one at the station is always kind of… gross.”

Yaz snorted. “That’s because you suck at making coffee.”

“Oi!” he called out, lifting his eyebrows in mock offence.

“You know I’m right”, she replied, while driving towards their favourite coffee shop.

She felt a bit lighter, knowing that the perp had been kept from doing worse than he already had. Still, there was a worry settled at the back of her head.

_ Jane Smith. _

Somehow, she had a feeling the woman would be trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Jane for you all... hope you enjoy! :)
> 
> tw: anxiety, panic attack
> 
> Everyone please stay safe <3

Jane groaned as an obnoxiously loud beeping sound went off on the right side of her head, drilling into the fog of sleep with a merciless insistence. Without opening her eyes, she started aimlessly hitting the surface of her nightstand, praying to hit the snooze button before the noise would drive her insane. Finally feeling her alarm clock underneath her fingers, she pressed down on the side of it, and turned from her stomach onto her side, pulling up her legs to curl up for five minutes of extra sleep. Just as she was starting to drift off again, her phone, lying left of her head on the mattress, started blaring out a song on full volume.

“No,” she grunted, grabbing her pillow with both hands, pulling it out from under her head to cover her face with it instead.

In that same moment, the alarm sitting on her desk went off in the form of a rooster screaming.

“Aah!” Jane’s scream was silenced by the pillow and as she finally threw it to the side, she grabbed her phone, switching off the alarm, then threw her covers aside, half walking, half crawling over to her desk. She sat down on the floor next to it as she picked up the alarm, fumbling with the buttons until it finally switched off.

“Why am I doing this to myself,” she mumbled as she let her head hang, using her free hand to rub grit from her eyes.

Lifting her head, she briefly eyed the covers on her bed. They would still be warm, if she just crawled back…

That’s when she remembered that the second alarm on her phone would be going off in five minutes, and seeing that that one wouldn’t switch off until she solved a couple of math problems, she decided it was definitely not worth it.

So she grabbed the edge of her desk and pulled herself up, stretching her arms over her head. She sighed as she let them fall back down to her sides, and quickly went to pick her phone back up in order to prevent the last alarm, which she only referred to as “the nuclear option” from going off.

Grabbing her glasses off the desk, she left her bedroom, starting her post wake-up routine.

She would have been able to sleep in today, on her one day off, but she had decided that it would be worse tomorrow if she would let herself slip out of her night shift sleep schedule today. And as much as Jane hated having to get out of bed - at whatever time of day - she loved working the night shift. Night time had always been when she felt most active, her mind jumping into action every day at 10 pm like clockwork, making her restless if she didn’t have things to keep herself occupied with. It had been an absolute nightmare during her time at school, but thankfully these days she could volunteer for the night shifts, and just pick up a day shift here and there to even out her schedule.

Fresh cup of coffee in hand and hair put up in a messy half ponytail, she sat down at the window seat in her kitchen, looking out over the city. The evening light was beautiful, a light orange just starting to tint the sky behind the tallest buildings. Adjusting her glasses, she opened the book of poetry that was perched on her lap, letting the words draw her in until there was no world left but the one blossoming to life in her mind.

When she finally emerged, the sun had set and she realised with a start that Graham and Grace were expecting her for what they referred to as “night time breakfast” in no less than half an hour. As much as she liked both Graham and Grace, the meeting outside of work made her uneasy. She had never been good when it came to families, and this definitely felt like a family thing. In fact, Jane had avoided making connections like this at all costs. They hurt too much, the memories of time spent with her own family still fresh after all these years, but somehow Graham’s sweet smile had convinced her, and she had heard herself agree to coming over before she had properly thought it all through. Still, she jumped out of the window seat with some reluctance, putting her book aside and walking into the bathroom, a small sigh escaping her.

——

“Graham, love, will you get the door?”

Jane watched the light switch on in the corridor through the opaque glass of the front door, all the while nervously adjusting her shirt. She had been completely unsure about what to wear. Breakfast was usually a casual thing, yet the fact that it was happening at what would normally be considered dinnertime had ended up throwing her off. On top of it all, she had never actually been to Grace and Graham’s house before; she had only started working at this hospital three months ago, and had successfully avoided making any social commitments so far.

“Jane! Come in, come in.”

Jane felt her signature grin spread across her face as soon as the door was opened in front of her.   
  
“Graham!” she exclaimed, opening her arms as she walked into the house. “Lovely place!”

“Thank you,” he smiled, letting her pass and gesturing down the corridor. “Dining room’s that way. I hope you like full English?”

Spinning around, Jane didn’t have to feign excitement this time. “Oh yes. Yes I do. Brilliant!”

At that, Grace’s warm laugh rang out of the dining room, and Jane quickly turned back around to greet her other host.

“You better come here, then, love,” Grace chuckled as she set down a full plate on the table. “We’re all ready for you.”

“Thank you,” Jane smiled, standing awkwardly in the door way. The discomfort of being in a social situation was slowly settling in her bones again, and she felt her reflexes kick in just a moment later, immediately opening the floodgates for the unstoppable babble.

“So, Grace, you made breakfast? It looks delicious. I love breakfast! Best meal of the day if you ask me. Definitely beats lunch and dinner. Although I do like the fact that those other two come with dessert, only downside of breakfast really.”

Seeing a soft smile on Grace’s face, and a look of utter confusion on Graham’s, she finished off her little speech by plastering a big grin back on her face.

“Oh go on then, Jane, sit down. You’re the guest of the house,” Graham finally said, breaking the silence and nodding towards the food.

Relieved, Jane went and sat down just as Grace put down two more plates on the opposite side of the table.

“Dig in, sweetheart,” she said with a smile.

That Jane didn’t need to be told twice. Picking up fork and knife, she started shovelling eggs, bits of sausage and beans into her mouth like her life depended on it. She was halfway through her plate when she noticed Grace watching her, barely containing a smile.

“You have worked up quite an appetite I see. I’m glad you’re enjoying the food.”

“S’ delissiouss,” she managed to sputter out, then, remembering her manners, she swallowed and chased the food down with a sip of coffee.

“Sorry,” she said. “Old habits. Had to be fast as a kid.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to slap herself. She had opened the door up for questions that she definitely did not like to answer, a thing she was usually very good at avoiding.

“Oh?” Graham said. “Lots of siblings?”

Clenching and unclenching her fist around her fork, she tried to answer as nonchalantly as she could.

“Oh, not exactly. I…uhm… I was a foster kid. My parents passed away when I was thirteen and my aunt couldn’t take care of me full-time because of her job.”

The silence at the table could have been cut with a knife. Finally, Grace broke it, speaking softly.

“I’m so sorry, love. I had no idea.”

For some reason, the sympathy in Grace’s eyes didn’t rub Jane the wrong way like it usually did. There was something sincerely caring about the woman - and about Graham as well, it’s why she liked working with him - that for the first time in a long time, it made her not feel pitied at the revelation of her past.

“It’s fine,” Jane replied, waving Grace’s apology off. “It was a long time ago. I was lucky, I had some nice homes to live in.”

Grace nodded, then, out of the blue, leaned across the table to put her hand a top of Jane’s, who went rigid at the unexpected contact.

“You did well for yourself. It can’t have been easy.”

And with a gentle squeeze, she let go of Jane’s hand again.

“Now, who wants more coffee?” Grace said, swiftly changing the subject as she got up and started walking towards the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, may I quickly use the bathroom?” Jane muttered, still staring at the hand that Grace had touched just a moment ago.

“Second door on the right,” Graham replied with a smile.

Jane was out of her chair as quickly as she could, trying to slow herself down as she made her way through the doorway, then walking down the corridor as quickly as she could. All the while, she could feel the walls around her closing in on her, with the ghost of a touch still present on her hand.

She closed the bathroom door behind herself, turning around to let her back sink against it.

Breathing heavily, she felt an old but familiar tightness in her chest. As she pressed her palms against the rough wood of the door, she clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to chase the images from her head.

_ “Janie, you’re going to be late for school.” _

_ A soft hand on hers, and a smile. Her mother’s, sweet and sincere. _

_ “Why do you care? You’re never around anyway.” _

_ The smile fading, replaced with concern and thinly veiled hurt. _

_ “Janie.” _

_ Her hand slipped out from underneath her mother’s, a defiant snarl in her voice. _ __  
_  
_ __ “I’m off. Safe trip or whatever.”

Ripping her eyes wide open, Jane violently pulled herself back into the present. Trying to calm her breathing, she felt panic rise in her chest when for a brief moment, she couldn’t remember what to do. Then, her reflexes finally kicking in, she started counting her breathing.

_ Five in, seven out. Five in, seven out. _

Looking at the room in front of her, she forced herself to make a mental list of the things she was able to see.

_ Soap, sink, toilet, toilet paper, blue tiles. _

Ever so slowly, she could feel the wood of the door under her hands once more, and how pressed against her back. Next where her feet, the cold from the tiles seeping in through her socks. When she could feel the outlines of her body again, she let out a long, shaky breath.

Carefully pushing herself away from the door, she turned towards the sink. The face she saw in the mirror above it was covered in sweat, and she quickly opened the tab in order to wash it all off. 

As she dabbed at her face with the hand towel, she lifted her head to look into the mirror once more. When she dropped the towel, she smiled, making sure it reached her eyes, then hung the towel back up and turned towards the door.

_ I’ll be fine _ .

And as she stepped back into the dining room, she immediately started telling a story from the hospital she had worked at before. Hearing Grace and Graham’s laughter falling so freely from their lips, she felt a bit of weight falling off her shoulders, too.

After all these years, making others laugh was still the best way to hide away her pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Wednesday, so here's a new chapter for you :)
> 
> Thanks as always to JTtrack2 for taking care of any rogue spelling mistakes for me :D Also many thanks to my friend Ayse - our talks about religion are always incredibly inspiring, and I sincerely hope I got it all right in this chapter!
> 
> ALSO bonus points to the first person who finds the easter egg hidden in this chapter ;)

Yasmin Khan woke up exactly ten minutes before her alarm went off. Her eyes fluttered open, blinking sluggishly into the complete darkness of her room. She had found that the only way to deal with her night shifts was to completely blacken out her bedroom so she stood at least a chance of sleeping during the day. Slowly, she sat up, pulling the blanket over her chest to revel in the warmth just a little bit longer. Sighing, she reached out for the light switch next to her headboard, bracing herself for the brightness that was about to assault her eyes. Still, as the first flash of light hit her pupils, she winced, screwing her eyes shut.

“Will I ever get used to this?” she grumbled, reaching over with half-closed eyes to switch off her alarm before it would start blasting music through her room.

Throwing her covers to the side, she swung her legs out of bed, bare feet touching the soft carpet underneath them as she padded over to the window.

As she parted the thick curtains, a smile slowly spread across her face. The one thing she had grown to love about the night shift is that she never missed a single sunset. Reaching out, she opened the windows wide to breathe in the crisp autumn air, closing her eyes for a moment to enjoy a breeze lightly grazing her cheeks.

With a deep breath, she turned to walk towards her bathroom. The night shift kept her from praying most of the  _ Salah _ , the five daily prayers of a Muslim, yet she was determined to make room for sunset and sunrise.

Inside the bathroom, she changed into a fresh set of clothes she had laid out there the night before, then sat down at the edge of her tub. She tried to clear her mind of the week’s events, yet her inner eye proved stubborn this evening, bringing back the face and angry words of Jane Smith every time Yaz felt her thoughts had finally calmed down. The blonde’s voice kept ringing in her ears, giving ever growing weight to the pit in Yaz’s stomach. Frustrated with herself, she let out a groan as she rubbed her face with her hands. Dropping them back to her sides, she let out a long breath and tried to let go of her worries as she switched on the water, turning her intention towards the task at hand.

_ Bismillah,  _ she thought, then proceeded to wash herself for her prayers. The movements were familiar to the highest degree and finally brought the peace that she had been craving into her mind. As the cool water washed first over her hands, three times each, then her mouth and nose, her breathing calmed almost automatically, and by the time she finished washing her feet, reciting the verses to complete her washing, Yaz felt like a new person, ready to face the day ahead.

Walking back into her room, she smiled as she faced the open window once again, this time standing on her prayer carpet. After she had moved into this apartment, she had realised that looking out the bedroom window meant she was facing the Qibla. This fact had made up a little for her lack of complete prayers, as at least she got to see the sunset and sunrise before and after saying the ones she could fit in.

Pulling her eyes away from the beautiful streaks of red that were painted across the sky, Yaz raised her hands to her ears and turned her gaze towards the floor.

“Allahu akbar”, she spoke softly, and thus began her prayers.

  
  


—-

  
  
  


Twenty minutes later, Yaz walked into her kitchen with her hair up in a messy bun and the Sunday paper in her hand. Glancing at the clock hanging over her door, she figured she had enough time for tea before her parents expected her for dinner. As she put up the kettle, she started humming to herself, a melody with no particular tune, Yaz’s mind merely following wherever the music wanted her to go. 

She continued humming as she poured out her tea and only stopped when she opened the newspaper to read while the bag was steeping. The calm she had found during her prayers was instantly erased when she saw the small headline a the bottom of the first page.

_ 22 year old local narrowly escapes sexual assault _

Yaz felt worry rise up at the back of her throat as she skimmed over the lines, fixing the newspaper with an unnecessarily hard grip.

_ Local police was on sight… _

_ … witness reports assailant fled the scene… _

_ …official statement yet to be released… _

_…officers on duty Detective Constables_ _Khan and Sinclair…_

Throwing the newspaper onto the kitchen counter, Yaz let out a groan. That was it for letting her mind forget about work for a day. She felt annoyance flare up inside of her. Her department had scheduled a press release for Monday, but one of the onlookers must have felt the need for his five minutes of fame. The result was an article void of any actual facts, probably just making the public uneasy, never mind putting the assailant on notice. The only hope Yaz had was that wherever the victim was right now, she wouldn’t be reading the Sunday paper.

With a jolt, she realised that she had let her tea steep too long while she had been caught in her thoughts. Reaching for her drink, she pulled out the bag and lifted the mug to her lips, wincing as the bitter taste of the liquid hit the back of her throat a moment later.

“No thanks”, she mumbled and went to pour the tea into the sink.

Looking up at her kitchen clock once more, Yaz decided that if she wasn’t going to have any tea, she might as well get to her parents’ place early. And perhaps spending some time with her family would help get her clear her mind a bit before she would have to interview the victim at the hospital tomorrow.

_ “If you ever approach a victim like this again, unnecessarily agitating them -” _

Shaking her head, Yaz tried to chase the angry voice away. Grabbing her leather jacket off the back of one of the kitchen chairs, she started walking towards the door with a new found determination. She would do better tomorrow. She would do the victim justice.

  
  


——

  
  


“Sonya.  _ Sonya. _ ”

“What?”

“Some help please?”

“Fine.”

Sighing, Yaz handed the plates over to her younger sister, who reluctantly put her phone down on the table.

“One day, that thing is going to grow into your hand and you’ll be attached to it forever.”

“Oh shut up.”

As Sonya started setting the table, putting the plates down with just a little too much force, Yaz turned towards her mother who was busy stirring their dinner.

“So anyway, as I was saying, somebody probably just wanted their name in the paper. I hate it when people get like that. I mean, something really horrible happened to that girl, and all people can think about is themselves.”

Shaking her head, Najia took the spoon out of the pot and opened the oven to check on its contents. “That poor girl. Did you have a chance to talk to her yet?”

Yaz felt a pang at the memory of the girl’s panic and shuffled uneasily from one foot to the other. “I did, yes.”

Her mother immediately noticed the change in tone and looked up from her cooking, one eyebrow quizzically raised. “Yaz?”

Yaz sighed, crossing her arms. “To be honest, it didn’t go too well. She was really agitated and uhh.. she had a bit of a panic attack when I tried asking her about what happened.”

Yaz’s eyes fell to the floor, a sudden feeling of shame washing over her. Then, out of nowhere, the memory of thin lips and a clenched jaw flashed in front of her inner eye, making her wince.

Pulling the kitchen towel off her shoulder, Najia threw it onto the counter and fully turned towards her eldest, a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Yaz”, she said, reaching out for her daughter’s arm to squeeze it softly. “I’m sure you were gentle. These things are difficult and it’s only normal the girl reacted strongly. She would have with anyone.”

“She didn’t with the paramedic.”

“Huh?”

Sighing, Yaz uncrossed her arms and looked up at her mother once more.

“There’s this new paramedic. Jane Smith, she works the night shifts with Graham now. She’s… something else.”

As if summoned by the mention of another girl’s name, Sonya suddenly appeared next to Yaz, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Something else, huh?” she asked, grinning.

Yaz had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Oh stop it, Sonya, it’s nothing like that.”

“Oh, isn’t it?”, she said, leaning against the wall opposite the counter. Then, when Yaz didn’t look at her, she continued. “Is she blonde?”

Yaz frowned, finally turning towards her sister. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“You like blondes. Like that one time you got really into that conductor. What was her name again?”

“Oh, shut up, Sonya”, Yaz said, desperately trying to keep herself from blushing at the memory.

“She was on tv and you wouldn’t shut up about her for weeks. You don’t even  _ like _ classical music.”

“Enough, Sonya.” Najia’s voice, gentle but firm, suddenly interrupted. “Go call your father, dinner is ready.”

Grumbling, Sonya walked over towards the hallway. “Dad!” she shouted. “Dad! Dinner!”

Briefly closing her eyes, Najia sighed. “Could have done that myself.”

Suddenly, Yaz couldn’t help but laugh, feeling it bubble up in her chest and finding herself unable to contain it. Najia looked at her, surprised, then a smile spread over her own face as well, turning into a laugh not soon after. They were still grinning when Hakim entered the kitchen, smiling upon seeing his wife and daughter happy.

As they sat down around the table, Yaz holding out her plate for her mother to scoop soup into it, she believed that everything would turn out alright. Tomorrow, she would interview the victim, and everything would work out better than yesterday. 

She looked at the smiling faces of her family, conversation around her picking up quickly and the table, even Sonya, erupting into another bout of laughter at one of her father’s work stories. And once again, Yaz realised that laughing was always the best cure after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to anyone who takes the time to leave kudos or write comments. You guys make my day :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so they meet again :) enjoy!

Walking the hospital hallways always filled Jane with an emotion that she couldn’t quite place. Behind each door that she passed, there was a story she knew nothing about, yet there they were, just a turn of a handle away. You could see glimpses as the doors opened to let visitors in and out, some of them smiling, entirely free of doubt about the swift recovery of their loved ones, others heavy with the invisible weight of inevitability. It filled her with the urge to do something, anything, yet she couldn’t.

_ Doc. _

She had never told anybody the true reason the nickname stung. It salt into a wound that was there to begin with: she wanted to be a Doctor. But going back to school for at least seven years? She hadn’t known where she would get the money from to support herself in the first place, barely making it through the three years of her training as a paramedic. She had been saving up ever since she had started working, but it was a meagre attempt to climb a mountain that seemed unscalable.

Still, she couldn’t suppress a smile at the thought of being among the people who would get to walk through those doors in order to help the patients behind them.

_ Hello, I’m your doctor. _

At the familiar pang in her chest - a mix of excitement and pain - she shook her head, trying to pull herself out of her daydreams. They were of no use anyway.

As she turned around the corner towards the room of last night’s victim, she noticed that the door was slightly ajar. She sighed. Some of the handles could be a bit tricky, and if you didn’t pull the door closed behind you with enough force, they would jump right back open as you turned your back.

Walking up to the door, she reached for the handle, when a familiar voice made her stop dead in her tracks.

“I hope you’re feeling a bit better than the other day. I’m really sorry if I scared you with my questions, it was not my intention.”

_ Yasmin Khan. _

There was genuine concern in her voice, and Jane couldn’t help but slowly pull back her hand while she listened on.

“I know it wasn’t, DC Khan”, a timid voice replied.

“Please, call me Yaz.”

She could hear the soft smile in the detective’s voice, the one she had seen that first night as she interviewed the victim of the knife attack.

“Yaz.”

“Are you okay with telling me what happened? We have a witness, but it would help us a lot to hear it from your perspective.”

There was a moment of silence inside the room, and Jane listened to her own heartbeat, loud in her ears.

“It’s okay, you can take your time. I know this is incredibly hard, but you’re strong and I’m right here with you, for as long as it takes.”

As the young woman slowly started recounting the events of the other night, gently encouraged by the detective, Jane turned away from the door, suddenly feeling like she was intruding.

A strange feeling had settled in her stomach, almost against her own will, while she had been listening.

_ She’s a good person. _

Guilt. She felt a tinge of red warm her cheeks at the memory of how she had laid into the detective two nights ago, threatening her with a report. But the conversation inside the room had shown her a side of the DC that she had caught glimpses of before, but chosen to ignore: the woman cared greatly for the people she worked with.

Realising now that she hadn’t done Yasmin Khan any justice, Jane wondered how she would be able to make up for it. She pondered how she could approach her at their next meeting. Maybe they could have a fresh start, smooth out their working relationship, since they would undoubtedly be seeing more of each other in the future.

“Miss Smith.”

_ Shit _ .

Jane felt the cold dread of being caught run down her spine. Then, without thinking, she opened up her arms in mock surprise, turning around with a cheery grin plastered over her face.

“Yasmin Khan!”

_ Oh God too much. Definitely too much. _

The detective lifted an eyebrow in response, clearly taken aback by Jane’s sudden overenthusiastic greeting.

“What brings you up to the patient rooms?”

Jane dropped her arms, smile slowly dripping off her face.

“I… uh… I like to check in on them after, you know, to see how they’re doing.”

“That doesn’t sound like your area of responsibility?”

The comment stung, yet Jane knew she had been anything but nice to the detective, and she couldn’t expect kindness in return.

Taking a deep breath, she took a step towards the brunette.

“Listen, DC Khan. About the other night.”

The other woman froze in her spot, face turning to stone.

“I wanted to apologise,” Jane quickly added, wanting to take the tension out of the air between them as quickly as possible.

It worked. She watched as the detective’s mouth formed a silent “oh”, surprise written all over her face as her body visibly relaxed.

“What I said was unnecessary and, admittedly, completely unjustified. I tend to get… very protective of my patients, and when I saw the state she was in when I arrived, I got angry at you. That wasn’t fair, you were only trying to do your job. I know we got off on the wrong foot and that’s mostly on me, but since we’ll probably be seeing more of each other, I would like to give this another try.”

Taking a deep breath, she stretched out a hand towards the brunette.

“I’m Jane.”

The detective hesitated for a moment, and Jane felt a fresh wave of embarrassment wash over her. Just as she was about to pull her hand back, accepting the loss, the other woman quickly took it into hers, shaking it once with a firm grip.

“Yasmin.”

There was a pause.

“Yaz to my friends.”

Jane grinned, and saw the other woman smile at her for the first time, noticing a twinkle in her eye as she did so. Something between them began to melt away in that moment, and it took a weight off of Jane’s mind.

They let go of each other’s hands and just stood for a moment, Yaz with her arms crossed looking at the door, Jane shoving her hands awkwardly into her pockets and bouncing back and forth on her feet, eyeing the floor.

“So, what are you up to now?”

Jane looked up to see Yaz smiling shyly at her.

“Oh you know, back to the break room”, Jane replied. “Preparing some stuff until the next call. Might be a while.”

Again, silence settled between them as they looked at each other. Jane watched as a slight frown appeared on Yaz’s face, as if she wasn’t quite sure what to do next. Then, something settled in her eyes, a decision made.

“Would you like to get some tea?” Yaz finally spoke.

Jane felt a grin instantly spread over her face.

“Definitely! Yes, I would. Thanks. I love tea!”

The detective laughed, and Jane watched as the leftover tension disappeared from her body.

“Know where we can get some, then?”, the brunette asked, still smiling.

“Follow me!” Jane replied, and walked past her down the hallway.

She guided Yaz towards the stairs at the end of the hall, up a floor, and over the skyway connecting A&E to the maternity ward. As she headed towards the nurses’ room, she looked over her shoulder to smile at Yaz, who had a curious expression on her face.

“Just give me a sec,” she said as she walked around the corner to knock on the door.

As it opened, a familiar face appeared, smile widening upon seeing Jane standing there.

“Your usual?”

“Could I have two this time?”

Laughing, the woman inside nodded. “Going to have to start charging you for it if goes on like this.”

“I brought you guys chocolates the other day! Plus you really do make the best tea in the whole hospital.”

“Alright, alright, no need to put on the charm offensive, love.”

Jane laughed, then turned as she saw Yaz walk around the corner with a smile on her face.

“Grace? Oh I thought it was your voice!”

It took Jane a moment to put two and two together.

“Oh!” She exclaimed, slapping her palm against her forehead while looking back and forth between the two women. “Of course you guys know each other.”

Grace walked up to Yaz, enveloping the detective in a warm hug. Pulling away a moment later, she gave her a once over with a concerned look on her face.

“What brings you here? I hope you didn’t get yourself injured on the job?”

Yaz smiled, shaking her head. “No need to worry. Just had to interview a victim and ran into Jane after.”

“Ah, so that’s why she needs two teas today.”

Looking over at Jane, Grace winked. The blonde couldn’t help but feel a slight blush creeping up her face at the sudden suggestive motion, but was surprised when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the same thing was happening to Yaz.

“I’ll have them ready for you in a second,” Grace said, and disappeared back into the nurses’ room, leaving the two women standing alone in the hallway.

Silence was starting to settle between them once again soon after and this time it was Jane who decided to break it.

“Grace makes the best tea.” She said, then paused as she realised the redundancy of her comment. “But you probably knew that anyway.”

Yaz smiled, nodding. “She used to make it for me when I stayed over at Ryan’s after school.”

“Oh, you’ve known each other that long? I wasn’t aware.”

“Yeah, we went to primary school together, then lost track of each other after. It was a big surprise when we were assigned to be each other’s partner after becoming detectives.”

Jane smiled. “Must be nice to have a familiar face at your side.”

“Yeah, it is. You’ve got Graham, though, that must be nice, too!”

“Oh yes, wouldn’t know what I would do without him, he’s amazing.”

In that moment, Grace stepped back into the corridor, holding two mugs filled with steaming tea.

“Here you go, girls. Enjoy your break, I’m sure you need it.”

Smiling, they each reached for a mug, taking it from Grace while saying their heartfelt thanks.

“Where to now?” Yaz asked as Grace disappeared back into the nurses’ room.

Jane thought about it for a moment, then an idea crossed her mind.

“I think I know the perfect spot.”

Seeing a hint of apprehension flit over the detective’s face, Jane smiled. “Oh don’t worry, we might have gotten off on the wrong foot, but I’m not going to take you down to the morgue. Although those guys always bring amazing food to work. Shame they keep it in the dead people fridge.”

As Yaz’s eyes widened, Jane felt like a stone had just dropped into her stomach.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that, that was weird, wasn’t it? I’m really not good at talking sometimes.”

Just as Jane was sure she had ruined this second attempt at establishing a work relationship with the young detective, Yaz suddenly threw her head back and laughed, a heartfelt, deep laugh. Relieved, Jane couldn’t help a small laugh escape herself, too.

“And I thought us coppers were the only ones who talked like this,” Yaz finally said, using her free hand to wipe a tear out of the corner of her eye. “So, where are we off to?”

“Oh, yes, follow me!”

Swivelling around on her heels, Jane started off towards the doors, opening them with the ID card attached to her shirt. Walking down the corridor, she suddenly grew worried that Yaz might not be as excited about what they were about to see as she was. There was no time to contemplate her decision and make a change of plan though, as they had already walked around the corner, stopping in front of a row of comfortable looking chairs positioned against a wall.

She turned to see a frown on Yaz’s face as the brunette looked at the chairs, then at Jane.

Smiling, suddenly feeling shy, Jane pointed over Yaz’s shoulder, gesturing for her to turn around towards the wall opposite the chairs.

Yaz's eyes widened as soon as she saw what had been in her back. “Oh!” she exclaimed, and Jane watched with delight as she saw the detective’s eyes starting to shine, a huge smile spreading over her face.

Opposite the chairs there was not a wall but a window and behind it, in two rows of colourful bassinets, a total of seven babies slept, wriggled, and looked around with curious little eyes.

“This is amazing”, Yaz spoke softly as she stepped closer to the window.

Smiling, Jane stepped next to her, taking a sip of her tea as she looked over the bassinets.

“This one,” she said, pointing towards the first bassinet on the left, “Was born this morning.”

Yaz’s eyes widened. “So tiny”, she whispered.

There was something about the way the young detective was watching the babies, eyes wide and gleaming, smile spread wide over her face, that made Jane’s heart warm. 

“You know”, the brunette suddenly spoke. “I have a younger sister, but I don’t remember holding her when she was a baby. It’s so long ago.”

“I don’t have any siblings”, Jane replied. “But I’ve always loved holding babies. They are so small and just… so happy.”

“They are”, Yaz replied, smiling as she briefly looked over at Jane, then turned her eyes back towards the bassinets.

They stood in silence then, time quietly flowing by as they sipped their tea and watched the newborns through the glass, occasionally laughing as one baby tried to grab a hold of one of the nurses' hair, and another one spat out liquid while being picked up, chortling immediately afterwards in such an adorable fashion that nobody could have been mad about having to clean up the mess.

They stayed like that until the detective’s phone rang, calling her away to intervene in a domestic dispute. Awkwardly handing her empty mug to the paramedic, Yaz smiled shyly as she thanked her for bringing her into this ward, something that was usually reserved for parents and staff alone. Their goodbyes were said in a hurry, with a smile and a nod, Jane’s hands full with mugs, both women still unsure how to act around each other now. As Jane watched the brunette hurry down the corridor a strange feeling settled in her chest, like she had been given an answer, but didn’t quite know what the question was yet.

It was only long after the detective had gone and the paramedic was sitting in the back of an ambulance once more when Jane realised that tonight, she had not felt the need to fill the silence, nor had she laughed in order to hide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all guys, I was completely overwhelmed in the best possible way by the response the last chapter got. Every single comment made me smile!! Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to drop a kind word. It means a lot!
> 
> Now, what's DC Khan up to?

As Yaz walked away from the hospital towards her car, she tried to sort her thoughts in regards to what had just happened. Her surprise at finding the paramedic in front of the victim’s hospital room had only grown when the blonde had proceeded to apologise for her previous actions, quite literally offering her hand in friendship.

Driving off the visitor’s parking lot towards the police station to pick up Ryan, Yaz’s mind replayed the last hour. Despite her previous anger at the blonde, Jane Smith had turned out to be surprisingly nice company. Not only that, but the fact she had taken Yaz to see the babies in the maternity ward was actually quite sweet. It was such a stark contrast to her anger a couple of days ago that Yaz almost felt like the sudden change in attitude was giving her whiplash. There was something about the blonde that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. But Yaz prided herself on her detective skills. She knew she would find the answer eventually - she just didn’t quite know what question to ask yet.

Stopping in front of the police station, she leaned over to open the passenger side door for Ryan, who was jogging down the stairs towards her.

“What have we got? Domestic?” Yaz asked, driving off as soon as her partner had closed the door.

“Yes”, he replied, fixing his seatbelt. “Neighbours called it in, there was shouting and they grew worried when they started hearing banging noises as well.”

Yaz lifted an eyebrow.

“No no, that’s what I thought”, Ryan continued, “but apparently soon after they started hearing stuff breaking as well.”

Nodding, Yaz turned the car around into the small street they had been sent to. She stopped in front of number 13.

_ How ominous _ , she thought as she threw the car door closed behind her.

The shouting was audible as soon as they went into the building, the neighbours who had called in the domestic buzzing them in.

_ “How the fuck was I supposed to know that?” _

_ “You are a  _ Doctor!” 

The altercation was followed by a loud noise, the unmistakeable sound of a plate breaking.

“Oh dear”, Ryan whispered, shooting Yaz a look.

Sighing, she reached for the doorbell. “Here goes nothing.”

It took a full minute long buzz of the doorbell for the shouting inside to finally subside and footsteps to be heard.

A young woman with lush blonde curls threw open the door, obvious annoyance written all over her face.

“What?”

Yaz took a deep breath.

“I am DC Khan, this is my partner DC Sinclair. We were called in to intervene in a domestic dispute.”

“Oh for Christ’s sake!” The woman exclaimed. “Was it the old farts from upstairs again?”

“Excuse me?” Yaz said, flabbergasted at the woman’s brazenness.

“Hey!” The woman suddenly shouted, pushing past Yaz and Ryan in order to stand in the staircase. “Not my fault you don’t know what  _ passion  _ sounds like! Try taking your clothes of sometimes, won’t you?”

“Okay, that’s enough”, Ryan intervened, grabbing a hold of the woman’s arm and gently pulling her back towards them. “What’s going on here?”

“Careful, sweetie”, the blonde said, one eyebrow lifted. Her gaze was intense, eyes piercing right through the young detective who let go of her arm as if he had been burned.

“Answer the question Miss, please”, Yaz interjected, trying to use her best police voice.

“Misses”, the blonde corrected. “My husband and I are having a slight disagreement. No reason to get upset.”

“Still, we would like to speak to your husband as well.”

Sighing, the blonde turned around. “Sweetie?” she called out, voice suddenly silky. “Come here for a moment please.”

A second later, a young man, hair dishevelled and a loose bow tie hanging around his neck, poked his head around the corner. “Yes?” He asked.

“Mr…” 

“Pond”, he finished. “Melody and John Pond.” Then, after a moment, he added. “I took her name. Pond”, he let it roll over his tongue. “Such a great name.”

_ Weirdos. _

“We were called here to intervene in a domestic as there were shouts and other loud noises heard by your neighbours. Can you tell us what is going on here?”

Ryan had managed to somehow remain expressionless through Mr Pond’s introduction, and Yaz was grateful he had taken over for a moment.

“Oh that”, the blonde replied, rolling her eyes. “This idiot here somehow managed to get me pregnant.”

“Oi!” her husband called out.

“Doesn’t it usually take two for that sort of thing?” Yaz couldn’t stop herself from saying.

“Oh yes it does”, Melody Pond replied, pushing her hands against the doorway and leaning out, dangerously close to Yaz.

The young detective felt heat rise into her cheeks and desperately tried to keep her composure as the blonde slowly eyed her up and down.

“Enough, Mel.”

With a sigh, Melody pulled back, proceeding to lean against the doorway instead, arms crossed.

“Well”, Yaz started, swallowing down her previous embarrassment. “I can see that nobody has been hurt. Still, we do need to write you up because of a noise complaint. Mrs Pond -“

“Doctor Pond.”

“Doctor Pond, we need to write down your details.”

Getting information out of the cocky blonde Doctor felt like pulling teeth and Yaz found herself jealous of Ryan getting to take the statement from the much nicer-looking - and most importantly, more cooperative-seeming - husband. The two had moved here six months ago, had been married for eight, and were now apparently expecting a child. Yaz barely stopped her jaw from dropping to the floor when the blonde told her she was a paediatrician. 

“I work with kids every day, detective, I don’t need them at home, too.”

Yaz had chosen to just swoop past that one and get everything wrapped up quickly.

“Alright, Doctor Pond, that is all we need. I am obliged to give you an official warning. Should we be called here again on a similar complaint, there will be charges. Do you understand?”

“Perfectly.”

Yaz could not bring herself to look the woman in the eyes anymore and instead just nodded at Ryan to follow her outside, leaving the couple with a curt “Goodnight.”

As soon as they were in the car, Ryan left out a long breath.

“Man.”

“Yeah.”

“Did I hear right? She’s a  _ paediatrician _ ? Of all the specialties in the world?”

Yaz felt herself laugh. “Yup. What does the guy do?”

Shaking his head, Ryan rubbed at his temples. “No idea. Some science-y stuff. He lost me when he started talking about 'wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff'.”

“Oh dear.”

“Yeah. But hey, you know what?” Ryan turned around in the passenger seat to face her, grin spread over his face.

“Hm?” Yaz replied, keeping her eyes fixed on the road ahead.

“Do you realise what date it is today?”

Yaz furrowed her brow. The whole sleep during the day, work at night thing had messed up her sense of time. “No?”

“It’s the 12th.”

Yaz’s eyes widened, and she turned to look at Ryan as they stopped at a red light. “No! Already?”

“Already?” Ryan laughed. “You say that like the last week hasn’t been the longest of our lives.”

Smiling, Yaz shifted the gears and drove off over the intersection. The 12th. This was it. Tomorrow, she’d sleep as long as she wanted, and then the day after, it was back to the day shift. Adjusting her sleep schedule back would be hell, but well worth it in the end. Yaz couldn’t wait to be at work while the sun was actually out, not even mentioning the fact that she could actually have a life again now. Go for drinks after a shift. Meet up with somebody for breakfast and it actually be breakfast time.

By the time they pulled into the station parking lot both detectives were grinning from ear to ear.

“We survived.”

“We did.”

As they walked up the stairs to pass the final hours of their - for now - last night shift at their desks, they patted each other on the back. Yaz was still smiling when she sat down at her computer and continued to do so when she saw a little red dot indicating a new email. When she saw it was from her Sergeant, her smile became a little less luminous. By the time she finished reading the message, it was entirely gone.

“Ryan”, she hissed through clenched teeth.

“What?”

“Check your emails.”

She watched the same thing happen to Ryan’s face as had just happened to hers and felt anger boil up inside of her.

_ To: DC Khan and DC Sinclair, _

_ Due to a scheduling impasse and a current shortage in staff, your unit has been assigned to the night shift for another two weeks. _

_ DS Jeff Baker _

Ryan immediately walked out towards the break room, kicking a paper waste bin while walking past the other desks. Yaz knew to give him a little bit of space so he could calm down. Heck, she herself needed it. 

_ The boys are at it again _ , she thought as she stared at her screen, the words melting together until all she could see was the red of her own anger. Ryan and her weren’t going anywhere but the night shift anytime soon. Clenching her teeth, she opened her desk drawer, eyes fixed on the application form still sitting there, waiting for her to pick it up and make her move. Closing her eyes, she shut the drawer once again. Two more weeks. It would be hard, but she wasn’t about to let the bastards grind her down.

Yaz still felt the anger sit in the back of her throat when she left her desk a couple of hours later, saying goodbye to Ryan. It accompanied her all the way home and she did her best to push it down during her prayers.

But sometime in the early morning hours, when Yaz was lying awake staring into the black void of her bedroom, a strange feeling settled in her chest. Like staying at the night shift was not so bad after all, like there might be something good coming out of it in the end.

When she finally fell asleep, Yaz’s dreams were of shared mugs of tea, a silent, caring smile and soft golden hair. But when she woke up again to the sun setting behind her curtains, all she could remember was the smell of freshly brewed black tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand look who just crashed into this story at full speed 👀


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? A wild chapter appears on a Tuesday?
> 
> This chapter and the next are closely connected sooo... double update week!
> 
> Also: GOLD STAR to whomever finds the easter egg in this one, referencing one of my favorite Thasmin AUs by one of my favorite authors :)
> 
> This chapter contains a brief mention of intimate partner violence. Stay safe <3

Jane breathed in deeply as she walked out of the hospital into the cold morning air. The sun had gone up behind the buildings in the distance about an hour ago, and the blonde was definitely ready to fall into the foamy heaven of the extra soft mattress she had gotten herself when she moved to Sheffield. She didn’t care what anybody said about it being bad for her back - the thing was a cloud and she loved it. If it wouldn’t have been for that last call just before the end of their shift - a woman on a bike hit by a car in front of a school - Jane would probably be asleep by now. 

“Boy I’m knackered”, Graham sighed behind her. “That was a long day. Could have done without that last one.”

“Yeah”, Jane replied, turning to smile at her partner. “They were cute though.”

“Who? The victim?”

“Yeah, her and the other teacher, the one who held her hand”, Jane said, still smiling as she remembered the worried and adoring looks the woman had given the victim. “How long do you think until they realise?”

Graham frowned. “Realise what?”

“Never mind”, the blonde laughed, patting her partner on the arm. Relationship things usually went over his head and the chances of him catching on weren’t made bigger by his obvious lack of sleep. “Off to bed with you.”

“Good idea. I’ll see you tonight, Jane. Or, well, today. Boy, I can’t wait to sleep.”

“Have a good rest, Graham. I’ll see you soon!”

Smiling, Graham waved at her, then turned to head towards the bus stop on the other side of the hospital. Watching him disappear around the corner, Jane decided that she was going to walk home today. After all, she lived only twenty minutes by foot away from her workplace and she felt like she needed some time to switch off before being able to fall asleep.

The last month had been deeply exhausting but also rewarding. One more shift and Jane would finish what had officially been the longest stretch she had ever spent on the night shift. Going between sleep and work had kept her from truly settling into Sheffield, which was both a blessing and a curse. Her flat was still filled with moving boxes, only the most necessary things having been unpacked. On the other hand, it had kept Jane from thinking too much, which was always a welcome side effect.

As she let her feet guide her through the streets towards her flat, Jane’s mind went through the last four weeks, which inevitably led her to Yasmin Khan. It had all started with the night of that knife attack and, somehow, the brunette had already turned into a recurring character in this chapter of Jane’s life. And despite the bad start to their working relationship, Jane had to admit she had come to like and even respect the young detective over the last two weeks. As she passed a pub, now closed and quiet, she couldn’t help the memories from resurfacing in front of her inner eye.

  
  


**Two weeks ago**

**Saturday**

“Can people stop getting drunk and beating each other up?”

Jane turned her head to see Yaz standing over her looking at the guy with a black eye who was sitting on the floor next to the pub door. 

“Detective!” Jane said. “I really wish they would.”

It had been an unspoken agreement between the two women that they would continue to address each other in the formal way whenever there were victims present.

Yaz only smiled grimly in response then turned to look down the street. “That the other guy?”

“Yup”, Jane confirmed.

“You mind if I ask him some questions already?”

The blonde felt herself smile at the detective obviously making an effort for them to stay on good terms now that they had finally gotten there.

“Sure thing. Graham already patched him up.”

Nodding, the brunette straightened up and walked over, briefly throwing Jane another glance over her shoulder, almost as if checking to make sure she was alright. 

Shaking her head, Jane forced her concentration back to the task at hand.  
  
  


**Thursday**

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

Jane watched Yaz turn around, surprise quickly morphing into a cheeky smile.

“Do we, Miss Smith?”

Something about the way she let the name roll over her tongue, for whatever reason, made Jane’s pulse quicken. Pushing past it, she looked at the woman sitting on the stairs, blood trickling down the side of her face.

She threw a glance at the detective, eyebrow raised in a silent question. It was answered with a nod.

Sighing, Jane went to sit next to the woman, who ever so slightly pressed herself further against the wall.

“Hey, my name is Jane, I’m here to have a look at your head.”

Slowly, the woman nodded. She seemed to be in some kind of a haze and Jane made sure to avoid sudden movements, gently examining her.

“I’m afraid we need to take you to the hospital for a cat scan.”

She could almost see the woman’s heart rate quicken as her eyes suddenly grew wide.

“I’m fine”, she whispered, the first words to leave her mouth.

“I don’t think you are”, Jane replied, gently, but firmly.

It took some convincing, but finally the woman relented, letting Jane guide her into the back of the ambulance.

When she returned a moment later, she found the detective standing at the top of the stairs staring at a doorframe. A mix of anger and distress was painted across her face and it made worry rise in the back of Jane’s chest.

“Detective?” she called out, and Yaz turned towards her, walking back down.

“Did she say anything, is her partner still in the building?” Yaz asked, glancing at the door once more.

Jane shook her head. “She said her wife went out for a drink around the corner after she 'fell'.”

This time it was Yaz’s turn to just lift an eyebrow and the paramedic understood. The bruises on the victim’s wrist definitely hadn’t come from falling down stairs and they very clearly hadn’t been from today either.

“Right”, Yaz sighed. “Guess Ryan and I will check out the pub.”

Nodding, Jane bent down to pick up her kit. As she stood back up, she reflexively put her right hand on the detective’s arm.

“Stay safe, Yaz”, she said.

“You, too”, the detective replied, something curious shimmering in their eyes for just a split second, and then they both turned around, walking out side by side, until they parted ways in front of their respective vehicles.

  
  


**Yesterday**

  
  


Another day, another drunken brawl. Jane was getting tired of them, but, unfortunately, she couldn’t refuse to go out when a call came. 

Police were already on sight and Jane couldn’t help but smile as she opened the back door of the ambulance to detectives Khan and Sinclair, who had already separated the assailant from the victim. Yaz was just in the process of cuffing the former with practiced ease and Jane couldn’t help but notice for the first time how slender and elegant the woman’s hands were. 

“I deal with the bloody guy, you have a look at cuffed one?”

Graham’s voice next to her pulled the blonde out of her observation and she briefly looked at him and nodded. “Let’s go.”

As Jane walked up to the detective, Yaz had just turned the guy back around with his back now pressed into the wall next to the window of the pub.

“Detective”, the blonde greeted, nodding. “How’s this weekend's pub crawl going?”

She was pleased to see a smile tug at Yaz’s lips.

“Miss Smith. Our friend here seems to have no injuries, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.”

Dropping her kit on the floor, Jane started giving the man a once over. Yaz was right, there didn’t seem to be any visible wounds.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” she asked, but the man just grunted in response.

Jane took a step closer, letting her eyes trail over the man’s face, then his torso. Yaz turned him around so she could have a look at his arms and hands as well, but as she had previously thought, there were no injuries. She shook her head at Yaz.

“Right”, the detective said. “Want to tell us what happened? Because the other guy said you just jumped him out of nowhere.”

But once again, the man just scoffed at them in reply. Sighing, Yaz took a hold of his arm. 

“Off with you, then”, she said. “We’ll see if you’ll be more talkative once you’ve sobered up.”

Jane watched her as she guided the man back to her police car where she placed him on the back seat, closing the door behind her and locking the car with a press of the button on her key.

A moment later, Jane was pleased to see the detective walking back towards her.

“So”, Yaz said. “How’s your night going so far?” Smiling, she put one hand on her hip and leaned over to place the other on the windowsill next to her.

But before Jane could reply, Yaz’s smile was already gone. Just a second after putting her hand down, she drew a breath through her teeth, hissing as she pulled her hand off the surface as if she had been burned.

“What the hell”, she breathed through clenched teeth, her face screwed up.

Jane saw the blood a moment later and immediately sprang into action. She took the other woman’s hand in hers, pulling it towards herself. There was a shard of glass sticking out from the middle of the detective’s palm, blood starting to seep out from around it.

“Come with me”, Jane said, putting a hand on the brunette’s shoulder as she guided her over to the back of the ambulance. “Sit.”

“It hurts like a b-”, Yaz started, but Jane just lifted an eyebrow at her. She was surprised to find the detective blush at the gesture and quickly look away, and she had to suppress a smile.

“I’m afraid it’ll hurt a bit more in a second”, she said as she grabbed tweezers out of her bag, taking the detective’s hand back into hers. She gently held it around the wrist from underneath, making sure Yaz wouldn’t pull it away as soon as she moved the shard.

As she bent down, carefully grabbing the shard with the tweezers, she realised that the detective was watching her intently. Her, not the wound, and now she felt heat rise into her own cheeks.

_Keep it together, Smith._

“OW!” Yaz exclaimed a second later, her face screwed up in pain once more.

Dropping the shard onto a tray, Jane ignored the other woman’s protests and proceeded to clean the wound.

“It’s deep, I’m afraid”, she said, smiling at Yaz sympathetically. “You need stitches. I can do them right away, if you want.”

The young detective looked at her for a moment, then nodded.

Thankfully, the wound didn’t require too many stitches and Yaz sat still through them, clenching her teeth as she made a point of looking away this time, even closing her eyes.

 _The tough detective_ , Jane thought to herself, and again kept herself from smiling. It would probably look weird, she realised, if she sat there smiling while she put a needle and thread through somebody’s hand.

Once she cut the thread, she fixed gauze over the now closed wound.

“There”, she said. “All done.”

As she looked up to smile at Yaz, who had finally turned her head, she suddenly realised that their faces were a lot closer than she had expected them to be. For a moment, neither of them moved and Jane couldn’t tear her gaze away from the other woman’s eyes, dark and warm.

“Yaz! You alright, mate?”

Blinking, Jane pulled away, reflexively stepping back from the other woman.

  
  
\---

  
  


The next thing Jane realised was that she was standing right in front of her apartment building. She had been so deep in thought that almost the entire walk back home had been lost on her, and she barely remembered which turns she had taken.

Sighing, Jane took the key out of her jacket and fumbled with it for a second until it finally slipped into the keyhole. No more thoughts of Yasmin Khan tonight, she decided. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please consider leaving a comment :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go, another chapter! :) Gold star to everyone who caught the reference in the last one ;)
> 
> In case you missed it, there was an extra update yesterday, so you might want to click on previous chapter before reading this one :D
> 
> This chapter, like the last, contains a brief mention of intimate partner violence. Stay safe!

Yaz was sitting at her desk, a fresh cup of coffee next to her. She had spent the first hour of her shift just staring at her screen, the one she was actually meant to type yesterday’s report on. But Yaz couldn’t concentrate on anything and it took all her self-restraint to not pick at the gauze covering her hand. The wound underneath was still mildly throbbing, a steady reminder to the detective of how much she wished she wouldn’t have tried to strike such a pretentious pose yesterday.

At the memory, heat rose into her cheeks and Yaz dropped her head onto the desk with a sigh.

“Why?” she mumbled.

Ever since their fresh start at the hospital, Yasmin’s thoughts kept coming back to Jane Smith. They had kept running into each other almost every other night over the last weeks and Yaz had started to take a liking to the blonde paramedic. Not that she was going to admit to that anytime soon. 

Groaning, Yaz lifted her head off the desk. She rolled her neck, fingers hovering over the keyboard, but instead of finally starting to type out her report, her mind started to wander back through the last weeks.

  
  


**Two weeks ago**

**Saturday**

  
  


Yasmin got out of the car as soon as Ryan had parked it. Driving up to the pub, ambulance lights already shining in front of them, Yaz had hoped that it might be Jane on the scene. After their talk in the hospital, Yaz’s opinion of the blonde had dramatically changed. There was something genuinely kind about the young woman, a character trait that Yaz found to be among the most important to have, and at the same time among the rarest to be found.

At the scene, a man was sitting against the wall of the pub and the paramedic kneeling in front of him was indeed Jane, looking for something in her first aid kit. As Ryan stopped at the ambulance to greet his grandfather, Yaz in turn walked up to Jane.

“Can people stop getting drunk and beating each other up?” she called out and immediately wished that she had found something more intelligent or at least interesting to say.

But as Jane turned around, a genuine smile spread across her face, Yaz couldn’t help but smile back in turn, albeit grimly as she took in the state the victim’s face was in.

“Detective! I really wish they would.”

Even though it had been clear that they would still be addressing each other formally in front of victims, the blonde calling her detective took Yaz by surprise. She couldn’t exactly claim that she disliked it, though.

Looking around, Yaz’s eyes fell upon another man, standing next to the ambulance while absentmindedly rubbing his right hand’s knuckles, a band aid covering his forehead.

“Is that the other guy?” Yaz asked, motioning towards him with her head.

“Yup.”

Yaz was about to walk straight over, then stopped herself, looking over at Jane.

“You mind if I ask him some questions already?”

As a renewed smile spread across the paramedic’s face, Yaz knew she had done the right thing.

“Sure thing!” the blonde replied. “Graham already patched him up.”

Nodding, Yaz started off towards the man. As she walked away, she couldn’t resist turning around to look at Jane once more and as she watched the blonde tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, Yaz felt something twinge deep in her chest, but chose to push it away at the same moment. Just as she turned back towards the man in front of her, she saw Jane throwing her a glance out of the corner of her eye.

Taking a deep breath, she concentrated on the task at hand.

“I am DC Khan, can you tell me what happened here?”

  
  
  


**Thursday**

  
  
  


“Somebody fell in a staircase, apparently, and they aren’t quite sure whether or not it was an accident, so Graham called and asked us to drop by. You ready to go?”

Ryan was standing in front of her desk, car keys in hand. Yaz had been staring at open case files for what felt like days, so she jumped up at the chance of getting out of the precinct for a while. She told herself it had nothing to do with the fact that if Graham had called them, a certain other paramedic would be at the scene as well.

But as they arrived at the house, only Graham greeted them inside and Yaz couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

“She’s sitting in the staircase still”, the older man spoke quietly. “Yaz, maybe you could take this one?”

Yaz glanced at Ryan, who nodded in silent agreement. 

As she walked around the corner and up the stairs, Yaz spotted the victim, knees pulled to her chest, sitting side pressed against the wall as if she wanted to disappear into it. The woman looked scared and confused and there was blood trickling down the side of her face.

“We have to stop meeting like this.”

Yaz’s heart skipped a beat as she immediately recognised the voice ringing out behind her. She turned around, maybe a tad too quickly, and smiled at Jane standing at the bottom of the staircase, bag in hand.

“Do we, Miss Smith?”

She swore she could see the blonde blush and Yaz felt a strange sense of pride at the achievement. The paramedic always seemed so strong and confident and the detective had to suppress a grin at the realisation that she was able to catch her off guard.

Glancing over Yaz’s shoulder, Jane just raised an eyebrow and Yaz nodded. This definitely didn’t look like someone who was just a little shaken after having had a tumble down the stairs. 

The blonde sighed and Yaz stepped aside to let her sit with the victim.

“Hey, my name is Jane, I’m here to have a look at your head.”

Yaz saw the victim slowly nod and then watched Jane examining the wound with such great care and genuine gentleness that Yaz couldn’t imagine the woman ever doing anything other than this particular job.

A couple of moments later, the paramedic spoke again.

“I’m afraid we need to take you to the hospital for a cat scan.”

The woman’s reaction reminded Yaz of the one the victim of the attempted sexual assault had exhibited: eyes wide, breath quickening, pure panic spreading over her face. As she tried to convince Jane that she didn’t need to go, Yaz felt herself clench her teeth. If she hadn’t already doubted the “just a fall down the stairs” story before, this reaction would have definitely set off alarm bells in her head.

“You’re going to be alright”, Jane spoke softly, placing a gentle hand on top of the victim’s. “We just need to make sure you don’t have a concussion. Once our doctors clear you, you can come back home.”

“I can?” the woman whispered, shoulders ever so slightly relaxing.

“Of course”, Jane replied, smiling.

Finally, the woman nodded and slowly stood up with the help of Jane. She swayed slightly for a moment, then started walking down, still holding on to the paramedic’s arm.

Yaz stayed in the staircase, taking the time to examine the steps, tracing back the fall to the door at the top of them. Her blood froze when she saw that the wooden doorframe had splintered slightly on both sides, as if hands had been trying to hold on to them. 

She hated nothing more than these kinds of calls. Yaz just couldn’t fathom how someone could claim to love their partner one moment and then hurt them like this the next. It made her clench her fists, anger curling around her chest.

“Detective?”

As she turned, she was surprised to see worry in Jane’s eyes. Letting out a deep breath, she walked down the stairs and went straight for the important question.

“Did she say anything, is her partner still in the building?”

She couldn’t help but glance back at the door, part of her almost wishing whoever had done this was hiding in there, so she could barge in through their door right this second. But her wish wasn’t answered as Jane explained that the wife had apparently sought refuge in the bar around the corner after her partner had “fallen”.

_Good enough_ , Yaz thought grimly. Maybe she would be able to book the woman in front of some of her friends, letting them know what horrible things she did when they weren’t looking.

“Guess Ryan and I will check out the pub”, she finally said and stood for a moment as she watched Jane putting her equipment back into her kit.

When the blonde stood up, she took Yaz completely by surprise when she gently laid a hand on her arm, looking worried once again.

“Stay safe, Yaz”, she spoke softly, and this time Yaz couldn’t ignore the warmth spreading through her chest.

“You, too”, was all she could say and, for a moment, she felt the unmistakable urge to lean forward, closer to the woman.

But then they both turned around, walking out in silence until they parted ways at their cars. As Yaz heard the ambulance driving away behind them, she nodded at Ryan.

“Wife’s in the pub. Let’s go.”

  
  
  


**Yesterday**

  
  
  


Yaz was busy cuffing a drunk guy who had called her “sweetheart” and had tried to touch her arm, when she heard the ambulance grinding to a halt behind her, doors opening a moment later. She turned the man around, making sure his back was against the wall, effectively leaving him no space to slip away from her.

“Detective”, she heard Jane greet her and she had to stop her heart from skipping a beat. “How’s this weekend’s pub crawl going?”

It took all of Yaz’s concentration not to grin like an idiot at the silly joke.

“Miss Smith”, she said, trying to stay professional. “Our friend here seems to have no injuries, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.”

She watched as the blonde dropped her kit on the floor and then let her eyes wander over the man’s body. As she took a step closer, her gaze slowly roaming across the man’s face, then his torso, a thought flashed through Yaz’s head that made her mouth immediately go dry.

_Oh God Khan keep your shit together._

When Jane looked over at her to shake her head, panic flooded the detective’s mind for a moment when she thought the blonde had somehow managed to read her thoughts. Thankfully though, a moment later, her rational thinking kicked back in as she realised the woman was just letting her know that the man indeed had no injuries.

As she proceeded to walk him over to her car, shoving him into the backseat, Yaz used the opportunity to take a deep breath, trying to organise her thoughts.

Jane Smith was confident and kind.

Jane Smith was smart and determined.

Jane Smith was simply gorgeous.

Groaning, she threw the backdoor of her car closed. It couldn’t be helped, and she might as well just… try her luck.

Straightening her back, she walked back to the paramedic, who was still standing next to the window, smiling at her.

Deciding to go for her best alluring pose, Yaz placed one hand on her left hip, showing off her badge in the process, and leaning to the side to place her other hand on the exterior window sill.

A sharp pain shot through her palm and all the way up her arm just a second later and she pulled her hand away from the window sill, hissing and cursing in the process. She was just about to have a look at her palm, but before she could make sense of what was going on, she suddenly felt Jane’s hand wrap around her wrist, gently pulling it towards herself.

That’s when she saw the shard of glass that was sticking out of her palm, blood seeping out around the edges. She swallowed, trying to keep the bile from rising up at the back of her throat.

The paramedic wasted no time, immediately telling Yaz to come with her, guiding her to the back of the ambulance. As she sat down, Yaz screwed up her face at the pain that was still shooting through her hand.

“It hurts like a b -”

Yaz was stopped mid-sentence by a simple raised eyebrow from Jane and this time she found herself unable to contain her blush. She had set out wanting to impress the paramedic and now she was sitting here, glass sticking out of her palm, taking the pain like a child would. 

_At least I’m not crying_ , she thought, but felt herself panic as Jane took a hold of her hand again, tweezers gleaming. She decided that it was best to not look at her injury and found herself watching Jane’s concentrated face instead. 

“OW!” she hissed a moment later, her uninjured hand firmly grabbing hold of the edge of the ambulance.

Jane, however, kept a stoic concentration on the task at hand, cleaning out the wound with some kind of liquid that stung almost as badly as the glass had. Things were still getting worse, though.

“You need stitches.”

_Oh no._

This time, she couldn’t help but look away, squeezing her eyes shut. At this point she didn’t care what it would look like to Jane, she definitely wasn’t watching her pull a needle and thread through her palm.

She waited until she heard a pair of scissors snipping and then felt gauze being fixed onto her palm.

“There”, she heard Jane say and she could hear the smile in her voice. “All done.”

Turning her head, she opened her eyes again, only to be looking straight into Jane’s, their faces suddenly mere inches apart from each other.

Yaz felt her heart beat so hard into her chest, she was sure the blonde would be able to hear it. For a moment, everything stood still as she held her breath and just as her eyes were about to drop to Jane’s lips, a voice rang out from around the corner.

“Yaz! You alright mate?”

And just like that, the spell was broken, Yaz pulling away at the same moment as Jane took a step back blinking, confusion and surprise flashing over her face for just a split second until it disappeared without a trace.

  
  


_—-_

  
  
  


The ring of the phone on her desk pulled Yaz back out of her thoughts, and she picked up, head still cloudy from the last memory.

“DC Khan.”

“We’ve got another drunken altercation at the pub down the road.”

“Again? We’re on our way.”

Getting out of her desk chair, Yaz grabbed her leather jacket off the back of it and threw it on, waving Ryan over from the other side of the room.

_Would we have kissed?_

The thought flashed through Yaz’s mind and she felt her heart rate increase at the idea. Shaking her head, she tried to chase it away. There was no use in speculating about anything. Jane Smith was her colleague, maybe her friend, but that was that. And judging by how it had gone the last time Yaz had tried to impress her in order to maybe make them something more, she wasn’t going to try anything again anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading <3 I love hearing all your thoughts!
> 
> You can also come follow me on tumblr, I am @fuxdeiflswued and my ask inbox is always open :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here is your next chapter.
> 
> This one is rather short, BUT:
> 
> From now on new chapters will now go up on Wednesdays AND SATURDAYS. Two chapters per week, hooray! :D
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Once again, Jane found herself enjoying the view from the rooftop of the maternity ward, clutching one of Grace’s perfect cups of tea. The paramedic was wrapped up in her jacket - the temperatures had really dropped over the last week, autumn slowly giving way to winter in Sheffield. Jane didn’t mind though; she saw beauty in every season and had her own little rituals for each of them. Soon, she would get out her spices and make her own mulled wine in the evenings and snuggle up with a book under her favourite blankets.

For now though, she was enjoying the clear night view of the stars over the city. She had loved learning about them as a kid, devoured book after book about the universe and whatever might lie beyond. It fascinated her, the thought of other worlds out there, ready to be explored one day.

Unfortunately, the familiar crackle of her radio pulled her out of her dreams.

_ “Jane.” _

It was Amy, their driver’s voice ringing out of the speaker this time. She unclipped the radio from her belt and pushed a button.

“This is Jane, what have we got?”

_ “Fight in front of the Great Oak. Bring Graham.” _

“Understood.”

The blonde jumped up on her feet, clipping her radio back onto her belt, and headed towards the door. She had to remind herself that after today she would go back to the day shift and, for the first time, she thought that it might actually be a good thing -Jane had really had enough of drunk people and their shenanigans.

—-

“Drunken brawl in front of a pub, Graham. No weapons involved, somebody probably got his nose broken or something. Off we go!”

They jumped into the back of the ambulance and settled into their seats. As soon as they drove off into the night, Jane grimaced.

“What?” Graham asked, looking concerned.

“It’s just”, Jane replied, shaking her head. “You know, drunk lads. Usually never pleasant.”

“Ah yes”, Graham sighed. “Well, let’s hope for the best.”

As they arrived at the scene, it didn’t look like Graham’s wish had come true. Three obviously heavily intoxicated men were standing, or rather, swaying at the corner of the street, one of them leaning against the wall while holding a bloodied tissue to his face. The other two were still busy screaming at each other.

_ Where are the coppers _ , Jane thought, looking up and down the street as she jumped out of the car, Graham right behind her. She stopped for a moment, mentally preparing herself. Then, squaring her shoulders, she walked over to the three men.

“Excuse me, paramedics. May I have a look at you?”

The two screaming men stopped for a moment, their attention now entirely focused on the blonde appearing in their midst. Jane felt something cold running down her back, but she ignored it, concentrating instead on the man in front of her and the task at hand.

Slowly, the man lowered his tissue, uncovering a bloody mess that had probably once been a perfectly straight nose.

“Jane”, Graham said behind her and Jane turned around to see him inspect one of the other two men. “This one has a bloody lip, I’ll need to give him stitches in the ambulance.”

Nodding, Jane turned back towards her patient who, despite his bloody nose, was grinning at her in the most unpleasant way.

“Now”, he slurred and a strong smell of alcohol washed over Jane as he spoke, “didn’t I get lucky?”

“Sir”, the blonde replied, making sure to keep her tone strong. “I need to look at your nose, it looks broken.”

“You can look at anything you want, girl.”

With the last words, he pushed himself off the wall and swayed dangerously close to Jane, who took a step back out of reflex. As soon as she did, she realised her mistake as she bumped into the side of the third man, now leering at her over her right shoulder.

“Hi”, he breathed, placing a large hand on Jane’s other shoulder, and she found herself frozen, suddenly unable to move as her chest seemed to tighten, making it hard to breathe.

“OI!”

Before Jane knew what was happening, the man who had been standing behind her was abruptly pulled away and, almost at the same moment, the man in front of her was pushed back, wheezing as he crashed into the wall with full force.

No one other than Yasmin Khan stood in between him and Jane, feet firmly planted on the ground, one arm pressed square across the man’s chest. What the paramedic could see of the young detective’s face was dark with anger, teeth clenched and eyes blazing. Jane felt her heart still beating hard into her chest, but realised that it was no longer because of the unwanted advances of the drunk men. Her mouth went dry as she watched Yaz protectively shielding her and even though the offender was a good head taller than the young detective, he suddenly seemed to shrink under her steel gaze.

“Oi, police!”, the man Graham had been taking care of suddenly called out from behind them. It caused Graham to turn around, confusion written all over his face at the scene he saw. “That guy hit me in the face!”

Jane watched as Yaz’s entire expression changed from the fiery glare she had sported just a moment ago into a grim, almost satisfied smile.

“Well”, she said. “Looks like somebody is going to sober up in my holding cell.”

With practiced ease, Yaz turned the man around, reaching for the handcuffs at the back of her trousers at the same time. A couple of swift movements and the man was cuffed, suddenly looking abashed as he was turned back around to face Jane.

“I still need to have a look at his nose”, Jane said.

“Well, I’ll be standing right here.”

Jane smiled at the detective’s protectiveness. It stirred something deep inside of the paramedic and an image of the brunette’s face, just inches away from her own, flashed through Jane’s mind and she could suddenly feel her heartbeat in her throat. She had a hard time concentrating on the man’s bloody nose after.

Later, as Ryan walked the cuffed man over to their police car, Jane stood with Yaz, both women avoiding each other’s gaze. 

“I’m -”

“Tha -”

They both stopped, smiling as they finally looked at each other.

“I’m sorry it took us so long to get here. This definitely shouldn’t have happened”, Yaz said, eyes filled with sincere remorse.

“It’s okay. Thank you for being my knight in shining armour.”

Jane wanted to hit herself over the head the moment the words left her mouth. 

_ Idiot _ , she thought.

But all Yaz did was smile and nod as a slight blush crept up her cheeks. They looked at each other for a moment, something left unspoken in the air between them, when the detective finally turned around to walk back to her car. As she drove away, Jane kept standing in the middle of the street, looking after the car as it drove around the corner and disappeared into the night.

_ Yasmin Khan _ , she thought.  _ Why can’t I get you out of my head? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoying this moment before you all attack me over Saturday's chapter 😇
> 
> Thank you for reading <3 If you liked it, please consider leaving a comment :)
> 
> Come follow me on Tumblr, I'm @fuxdeiflswued


	10. Chapter 10

The sun was almost blinding as Yaz stepped out of the car, even though the air around her was quite chilly. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment to drown out the myriad of noises that surrounded her. She was finally back on the day shift, and what a day it was.

Ryan and her had been called out to a bank robbery and by the time they arrived a large number of other marked and unmarked police cars were already parked in front of the building and an ambulance was wheezing around the corner. The sight of it made Yaz’s heart leap in her chest, her mind jumping back to her last day on the night shift.

The last call of the night had led them to a pub where, as always, some drunk guys had gotten into a fight. However, Yaz had not expected the scene she had to witness at her arrival.

Two men, tall and broad-shouldered, pressing themselves against Jane from two sides, the blonde suddenly seeming a lot smaller in between them, discomfort written in capital letters all over her face. Yaz had taken one look at the situation and then all she had seen was red. It had taken all her self-restraint not to slam one of the men into the wall with full force. She had, however, put his cuffs on just  _ a little too tight _ . Yaz didn’t care if he would complain about it at some point. All she could think about was that the guy was sitting in their holding cell right now and all she wanted to do was go downstairs and punch him in the face to make sure his nose remained broken.

_ My knight in shining armour. _

Yaz instantly felt colour rise into her cheeks as she remembered the way Jane had looked at her, as if she was seeing her in a new light.

_ Wishful thinking _ , Yaz thought as she opened her eyes again, looking around the scene while steadying herself for what was ahead.

“Chief Inspector Crane!” she called out as soon as she saw a grey haired man in a dark charcoal suit busy talking to a small group of police officers.

“Khan”, he replied, turning towards her. “What are you doing here?”

Yaz instantly felt a weight drop into her stomach. She was not going to just get pushed out of this right now, she deserved to be there, deserved to be part of this.

“The call went out to all units close by, Ryan and I were just around the corner”, she said, trying to keep her voice steady. “All hands on deck, right?”

“Right”, he replied, pulling his big, bushy eyebrows down into a frown, clearly displeased by Yaz and Ryan’s presence. “Well, right now we are waiting for the negotiator to make contact. We expect about twenty people inside, shots were heard before and we have reason to believe someone’s injured. Goal is to lure the robber out. Snipers are ready.”

Yaz nodded. “We’ll be at our car and awaiting orders.”

“Someone’s injured?”

Yaz spun around as quickly as she could, immediately coming face to face with a very concerned looking Jane.

“Jane!”

She felt her cheeks burn red as soon as she realised her overenthusiastic greeting, given the seriousness of the situation they were all finding themselves in.

“Hiya Yaz”, Jane replied, smiling at her briefly, then she turned back to the Chief Inspector, looking serious once again. “Somebody got shot? Are they receiving any medical assistance at this point in time?”

Her gaze was intense and Yaz noticed, not without satisfaction, that Crane was visibly uncomfortable under the blonde’s scrutiny.

“Unless one of the other hostages is a medical professional, no, they aren’t.”

Yaz could see the emotions flicker over Jane’s face - disbelief, concern, anger - each only lasting for a second before something settled on her features that Yaz found most disconcerting of all: determination.

She knew what the blonde was going to say the moment she opened her mouth.

“Send me in.”

“What?”

“No way!”

Yaz and Crane exchanged a brief look, both of them having spoken at the same time, and with equal measure of resoluteness, before the Inspector turned back to Jane.

“I am sorry, Miss…”

“Smith. Jane Smith.”

“I am sorry Miss Smith, but we can’t send you in there. We are still waiting to hear back from our negotiator and the suspect is obviously armed.”

“I took an oath.”

“You have no training for this kind of situation.”

“I was trained to help people and that’s what I will do.”

What followed was an intense staring contest between the two people, with Yaz standing awkwardly sort of between them, desperately wishing for once that Crane would get his way.

“Fine.”

Yaz felt as if someone had dunked her head in ice-cold water. “What? Sir, no!”

But the Chief decided to just ignore her, turning instead to call one of the uniformed officers towards him. The young man jogged over, obviously eager to get in on the action.

“Tell the negotiator we have a nurse here-”

“Paramedic”, Jane practically hissed.

“A paramedic”, Crane repeated, one eyebrow lifted while unnecessarily drawing the word out. “Who wants to go in and help the injured hostage. Get him to let her in.”

As soon as the officer walked away, the Chief Inspector turned back to Jane.

“We’ll let you know when we hear from the negotiator. You’ll go in, tend to the wounded, and come right back out. Understood?”

Jane nodded and with that Crane walked away, leaving the two women alone.

“Jane”, Yaz immediately started, feeling panic form a knot in the pit of her stomach. “Jane you can’t go in there.”

“It’s alright, Yaz”, Jane said, smiling so sweetly and reassuringly that all Yaz wanted to do was grab her by the shoulders and scream. “I’ll be okay. We gotta make sure nobody dies in there, right?”

“What about you?” Yaz asked, a desperate attempt to keep the woman from doing something she considered to be incredibly reckless.

“What about me?”

“What if you get hurt?”

Something impalpable passed over Jane’s face, ever so briefly, before it was replaced by her tell-tale smile and cheer. “Me? Getting hurt? Nah, I’ll be fine. I eat danger for breakfast!”

“Don’t joke like that”, Yaz said, quietly.

As much as Yaz wasn’t ready to accept just how fond she had grown of the woman, if it presented a chance of stopping her, she would have admitted right there and then that the thought of Jane getting herself into danger - or worse, hurt - made her stomach turn.

But just as she opened her mouth to let out the words she would very probably regret later on, the young officer from before came jogging back towards them.

“You’re in!” he shouted before he even fully made it to them, eyes gleaming from obvious excitement over this whole situation. “Chief says you’re in”, he repeated once he had come to a halt in front of them, slightly out of breath. “You have to prep her”, he finished, looking at Yaz.

_Too late_ , Yaz thought. She knew there was no way of stopping the blonde now.

Watching Jane get dressed in a bullet proof vest brought a weird mix of fear and admiration to Yaz’s chest,$ and she had to admit that the blonde’s unwavering determination to help the injured was somewhat attractive.

_ Not to mention how she looks wearing that vest. _

Yaz felt her ears burn as soon as the thought flashed across her mind and all she wanted to do was disappear into the ground. This was not the time the be debating Jane’s looks, no matter how much that vest -

_ Stop it, Khan. _

“Right, how do I look?” Jane grinned, turning towards Yaz with her arms wide. “Still me?”

“Yes”, Yaz said, swallowing whatever had gotten stuck at the back of her throat. “Good.”

Jane knitted her eyebrows together, opening her mouth for a question, but Yaz was faster, quickly grabbing ahold of the woman’s arm to turn both of them towards the bank.

“Right, the suspect has agreed to let you in in order to tend to a 34 year old man with a gunshot wound to his leg. There is some heavy bleeding. You are allowed to take your bag inside, however, he has asked for it to contain the bare minimum of utensils, and that you carry it with both hands in front of you, open. He wants to take a look at it as soon as you’re through the door.”

Jane frowned. “If he touches some of the stuff it’ll be unsterile and I can’t use it.”

“It’s the best we can do at the moment.”

Jane looked sideways at Graham, who was kneeling down on the floor next to her, preparing her bag. He had walked over when he had seen Jane’s vest getting fitted and had not said a word since.

“Alright”, Jane finally said.

“If the man’s injuries are too grave, try and suggest bringing him outside. However, if the suspect is reacting in any way with aggression to your request, that’s it. I want you out immediately.”

Lifting an eyebrow, Jane gave a wry half-smile.

“No discussions on that point”, Yaz finished, trying to stay firm. “I want you back in one piece.”

_ We _ . We _ want you back in one piece _ .  _ Damnit Khan _ .

Luckily, the blonde paramedic did not seem to have noticed Yaz’s lapse, or otherwise was gracious enough to ignore it.

“Right”, she said, taking a deep breath. “I guess I’m all set?”

Yaz nodded, trying to give off an air of calm collectedness while everything inside of her was screaming not to lead the blonde into this situation. She had a bad feeling about this whole course of action, yet who was she to deny an injured hostage their potentially life-saving help, if someone was willing to put themself into danger to help? At the end of the day, there was nothing she could do.

Watching Jane walk out of the protective ring of police vehicles, holding her medical supply bag stretched in front of her, felt like the world had suddenly decided to run in slow motion. It felt like hours until the blonde reached the door, but the worst began once it closed behind her.

Silence. Unbearable silence, only interrupted by the occasional crackle of a radio, while everyone held their breath.

At some point, Yaz couldn’t take it anymore. She closed her eyes, deciding to pass the time imagining Jane inside the building as if it were just like any other scene they had been at together.

_ “Hi, I’m Jane.” _

_ The telltale smile on her lips, a reassuring hand, so warm and soft, on the victim’s shoulder. _

_ “I see your leg is injured, let me have a look.” _

_ The quiet concentration on her features as she would work her way over the wound, face pulling into that telltale scrunch when she had to take care of a tricky bit, like giving stitches. _

_ “We’ll have you back on your feet in a minute, just you wait.” _

_ A cheeky wink, eyes gleaming. Those beautiful, green eyes. _

Yaz’s eyes flew open as she heard a collective breath being released around her. There she was, standing in front of the building’s doorways, broad smile on her face, feet planted apart, like she was some kind of superhero, looking directly into Yaz’s eyes as she started walking towards her.

_ I’m going to ask her out _ , Yaz thought as the corners of her mouth lifted up into a smile, realising that she no longer wanted to dance around the subject of what might or might not be between them. And if Jane said no, then she would cut her losses and move on. But how could she not try? How could she not, with someone so extraordinary and -

Jane was halfway across the road, eyes still fixed on Yaz, smiling as she held up a free hand in a thumbs up. She was halfway to safety when the door behind her opened and a dishevelled looking man, gun in hand, stumbled out.

His eyes were wild and after a moment of looking around his gaze fixed on the back of Jane’s head.

The moment he lifted his gun, Yaz’s world tilted upside down.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M NOT SORRY OKAY
> 
> *throws their beta into the mob and runs*


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I can't say that I didn't enjoy breaking you all a bit last week 🙈 BUT I hope this'll make up for it.
> 
> Also, after throwing my beta to the mob last week, I just want you all to know that she is lovely and also the reason you're getting double updates now, cause she screamed at me about not being allowed to let you guys wait for a full week after that cliffhanger 😂 any way thanks again to JTtrack2 for taking the time to beta this fic!!
> 
> Here we go :)

The walk between the police cars and the door of the bank felt like the longest walk of Jane’s life. There was a weird kind of silence hanging in the air, as if as soon as she had stepped past the barricade she had entered a sort of no man’s land where no rules applied and she was all on her own.

_ Not quite _ , she thought, and she could almost feel the strength of Yaz’s gaze fixed on her back. Jane realised that, with all the police officers surrounding her, with all the officers and inspectors and snipers, she only needed one person behind her to feel protected.

_ I’m going to ask her out _ , she thought as she took the last couple of steps to the door. To hell with being scared. If she survived walking into an armed hostage situation, she could deal with asking someone out for a date. Even if it was Yaz.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she almost ran into the door and she stopped for a moment to take a breath before reaching out to open it. Holding it open with her foot in order to keep holding her medical bag out in front of her like the suspect had asked, she shuffled awkwardly into the building.

For a moment, she couldn’t see anything. The sun outside had been blindingly bright and in comparison the light inside the bank was dim, almost as if it was trying to adapt itself to the sombreness of the situation.

When her vision finally returned to normal, the scene in front of her caused a lump to form at the back of her throat and she swallowed, trying to keep her composure.

There were about fifteen people on the ground, some looking at her through wide eyes, some curled up, hands over their heads, others just staring off into nothing. She wanted to hold every single one of them and tell them that it was all going to be alright. There was a detective outside who was doing a splendid job working on getting them all out.

“Bag”, someone snapped at her from the side and she almost turned around too quickly before she remembered that sudden movements were probably not the best idea in this situation.

The man she came face to face with a moment later looked nothing like she had imagined. His hair was shoulder length and dishevelled, his chin covered in a messy stubble, but on second glance Jane noticed that he was actually quite young, maybe in his mid-twenties. His eyes however were the thing that worried Jane. They were darting back and forth, never coming to rest on anything longer than a couple of seconds, and his pupils kept rapidly quivering.

_ Amphetamines. Probably Ecstasy. _

He shoved the bag back into her arms a couple of moments later, thankfully not having touched anything inside.

“Over there”, he said gruffly, tilting his chin towards one of the desks.

Jane carefully walked around it, bracing herself for the worst. The man lying on the floor was obviously a bank employee, the tag on his shirt identifying him as  _ E. Fuller _ . His eyes were fluttering open and shut and a considerable amount of blood was pooling under his lower body, a gunshot wound on his left leg clearly identifiable as its source.

Jane kneeled down, pulling her bag close to her.

“Hi”, she said, smiling softly at the man. “I’m Jane. Can you tell me your name?”

A moment passed while the man on the floor swallowed, trying to wet his lips with a dry tongue, and she put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“Edward. Eddie”, he finally croaked.

“Eddie! Let me have a look at you.”

She worked in silence, relief flooding over her the moment she realised it the wound was through-and-through and she wouldn’t have to try and peel a bullet out of the man without the appropriate equipment. The blood loss was considerable, but once the bleeding was stopped, she had high hopes that the man was going to be okay. Still, she had to try.

Turning her head up towards their captor, she tried to put on her most reassuring, kind smile. It wasn’t returned.

“I stopped the bleeding, but it would be better if I can take him outside and get him to a hospital.”

“No.”

The reply was instant and sharp and the man’s eyes darted back and forth between Jane and Eddie, while he aggressively chewed on his bottom lip. He kept passing his weapon from one hand to the other, obviously trying to control a nervous tick that was developing probably thanks to whatever he had taken before coming in here.

Jane knew she had to try again.

“If we get him to a hospital now, he will be absolutely fine and you won’t -”

“I said  _ no _ !”

Now the grip on his gun was firm once again and his wild eyes fixed on Jane as his thumb hovered over the safety pin. “No”, he repeated.

Jane was about to open her mouth in protest when a voice sounded at the back of her head.

_ I want you back in one piece. _

_ “I” _ .

Not “ _ we _ ”.

It was all Jane needed to accept that she could not give any further help in this situation. She slowly turned towards Eddie, whose eyes weren’t fluttering quite as much as they had a few minutes ago.

“Eddie”, she said, smiling. “I’m afraid you’ll have to stay here. But I stopped the bleeding and injected a local anaesthetic into your leg. You will be fine, alright? Just hold on and we’ll get you to a hospital as soon as we can. Okay?”

She watched as he nodded weakly, mumbling a quiet “Thank you, Doc.” She felt her heart skip at the misuse in title, but pushed the feeling away. It wasn’t the time to dwell on that now.

“Alright, I’m ready to go.”

The gunman nodded, eyes darting across the room, gun loosely trained on the floor.

“Out”, he grumbled. “Now.”

Jane didn’t have to be asked twice. As she walked past the other hostages again, she tried to smile at them, nodding while she willed her eyes to say “We will come get you soon. You will be safe.” She wasn’t sure her message was coming across. It sure didn’t feel fair that she just got to walk out again while they had to stay behind in fear and terror.

As soon as the air outside hit her lungs, she felt relief wash over her as well as a sense of pride. She had handled the situation well, and if the man stayed put, they would be able to finish patching his leg up at the hospital without a problem. Her eyes searched over the crowds of police forces for one particular face, and when she finally found it, she felt a grin spread over her face.

She started walking towards her, determination settled in her chest. She was so focused on getting to Yaz that at first, she did not realise the tension that suddenly filled the air around her like static electricity, ready to snap at the tiniest touch.

Jane only understood that something was wrong when she was Yaz’s face fall into an expression of utter shock and terror. She wanted to walk towards her faster, ask her what was going on, but then everything happened at once.

She saw a realisation click behind Yaz’s eyes and then, as if whipped into action, the detective darted towards her, faster than Jane could have imagined. And then there was a hand in her hair and another one slung around her waist, and a moment later, she felt herself being turned around and pulled to the floor as gunshots rang out above.

The air was knocked out of Jane’s lungs as she hit the ground, and for a moment she struggled to breathe.

Then, once again, there was silence.

A moment passed, then two, and finally, Yaz moved on top of her, pulling her cheek away from where it had been pressed against Jane’s, a crooked smile on her lips as she hovered over her, just inches between them.

_ Her eyes _ , Jane thought, and for a moment, that was all she could think about.

“Detective Khan, what the hell were you thinking?”

And just like that, the moment was over, the smile on Yaz’s lips instantly replaced by worry and fear. She jumped up, offering a hand to Jane who gratefully took it, still feeling a bit out of it.

“I’m sorry, Sir”, Yaz stammered.

“You ran into open fire, detective. That is absolutely inexcusable and I should have your badge for it.”

Jane watched as Yaz’s eyes went wide and her cheeks turned red, and she couldn’t take it anymore. Yaz had run out to protect her. She had done her job, saving her from getting gunned down. Then a thought suddenly crossed her mind.

“Excuse me, Mister police person, Sir”, she said, and the man turned towards her, looking confused.

“Me?”

“Yes. Sorry, I’m not good with titles. Anyway, shouldn’t there have been snipers ready for what happened? I remember you mentioning them before.”

He blinked, once, twice, then his cheeks turned bright red.

“The snipers hadn’t been assigned their positions yet, there was a… communication problem.”

Jane smiled. “I see. And who should have told them their positions? Because I feel like whoever was responsible for that should thank Yaz for saving me instead.”

The red in his cheeks only deepened as he was obviously frantically looking for a way to reply, but then he seemed to finally give up, curtly nodding in Yaz’s direction.

“Well done, Khan”, he mumbled, then turned on his heels and walked away without another word.

They waited until he was out of sight, then Yaz turned towards Jane, looking incredulous.

“You know that was him, right? He should have told the snipers.”

“I had a feeling”, Jane replied, grinning.

They stood in silence for a moment, just looking at each other, and Jane had an almost irrepressible urge to just reach out for the other woman.

“You probably saved my job”, Yaz finally said.

“You probably saved my life.”

No longer being able to stand the distance, Jane reached out for Yaz’s hand, but the other woman let out a hiss as soon as they touched, causing Jane to drop it again right away.

_ So much for asking her out _ , Jane thought. Flinching away from a touch was never a good sign.

“I think I hurt my hand… again”, Yaz whispered, looking sheepish.

“Oh”, Jane said, and then, as the words sunk in. “ _ Oh! _ ”

She sprung into action, grabbing a hold of Yaz’s hand once again while guiding her over to the back of the ambulance.

“Jane!” Graham called out, jumping up from where he was sitting in the back of the ambulance together with Ryan. “Thank God you’re okay! Grace would have killed me if I had let her favourite paramedic get injured.”

Ryan looked over at him, frowning. “Shouldn’t gran’s favourite paramedic be you, gramps?”

Graham shook his head, smiling. “Don’t stand a chance against that one, and I’m fine with that.”

He winked at Jane, then patted Yaz on the shoulder. “Well done taking care of that one, Yaz.”

“Yeah mate, that was proper awesome”, Ryan grinned, pulling her into a hug.

“Ouch”, she hissed as her injured hand got caught between them.

“Ouch?” Ryan said, pulling away. “Did you get injured?”

“Just the hand”, Yaz replied quickly, smiling as she looked over at Jane. “She’ll fix it.”

“Alright then, we’ll let you get to it”, Graham said. “I’ll organise your bag in the meantime Jane, you can grab mine for this.”

“Thanks, Graham!”

“And I’ll check in with the others, have a chat about who’s going to write a report”, Ryan said, then looked at Yaz. “Although you most definitely will have to.”

“Yeah”, Yaz sighed, and then Ryan and Graham were off and the two women were left alone at the back of the ambulance.

“Alright”, Jane said as she sat down opposite Yaz in the ambulance, pulling her hand close. It was just a graze wound on its back, from where it had hit the concrete underneath them. Jane’s heart fluttered when she realised this same hand had been tangled up in her hair just minutes earlier, protecting her head from the impact.   


“There you go”, she said a few moments later. “Wound is clean and bandaged.”

Then, as she kept holding on to Yaz’s hand despite the wound being taken care of, she added, smiling. “We have to stop meeting like this.”

_ Stupid joke _ , she immediately berated herself internally.

“Do we?” Yaz said, and Jane could have sworn there was a faint blush colouring her cheeks.

“That depends”, Jane replied softly, her heart fluttering in her chest.

Yaz’s hand in hers was soft and warm and she realised she still didn’t want to let it go.

_ Be brave, Smith _ , she thought.

“You know”, she finally said, eyes still locked with Yaz’s. “You don’t have to get yourself injured if you want me to hold your hand.”

Jane held her breath as soon as the words had tumbled over her lips and watched as surprise flashed across Yaz’s face. 

“I -” Yaz began, stuttering. “I…”

Jane felt her blood turn cold at the reaction. It was safe to say it wasn’t what she had expected. All those little moments that had passed between them, she must have over-interpreted them when she thought that they had been some form of interest, or even attraction, and she was beginning to feel very stupid about it all.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just thought -”

“Wouldyougooutonadatewithme?”

Jane frowned. “I’m sorry, what?”

She watched as Yaz swallowed, then took a deep breath.

“I said: Would you go out on a date with me?”

At that, fireworks went off in both Jane’s brain and heart and for a second, she was the one who just stared at Yaz, mouth open, unable to say anything.

“Oh God”, Yaz said immediately, looking worried. “Oh God that’s not what you were getting at was it?”

This was going too far. They obviously weren’t good at communicating, but Jane guessed that there was a way to work on that.

“Shut up”, she said, and then she leaned forward to press a short, yet oh so soft kiss against Yaz’s lips. “And take me on a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did that make up for it? Let me know ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all your amazing comments ❤️
> 
> Ready for date night? Here we go :)

Yaz woke up the next morning feeling like a beehive had decided overnight that her stomach would be the perfect place to live. Every single nerve-ending was buzzing, and when she realised she had woken up a full hour before her alarm was supposed to go off, she groaned into her pillow.

_ Shut up and take me on a date. _

Her face instantly split into the biggest grin, and at the same time she had to acknowledge there was no way she was going back to sleep now. Her heart was beating way too fast at the memory of Jane’s soft and perfect lips pressed against hers.

A giggle unwillingly escaped her mouth, and Yaz buried her face even deeper into her pillow.

“What are you, 16?” she grumbled.

Emptying her mind to concentrate on her prayer was a difficult task that morning, and she kept confusing the otherwise oh so familiar movements and sentences, annoying herself with how distracted she was. Not that the distraction itself was an unpleasant one.

By the time she sat at her kitchen table with a cup of strong tea in front of her, she was wondering if she would have to invest in one of those fidget toys that had been so popular not that long ago. When her phone buzzed, she almost knocked her mug off the table, and the fact that she managed to save both her morning paper  _ and _ her tea should have to be counted as a small miracle.

_ “Hiya Yaz! I got your number from Graham. I realised I never gave you mine. So I know we set a time and stuff but just in case you want to reach me.” _

Yaz found herself smiling at her phone, but before she could reply, there was another buzz.

_ “Oh so should I pick you up? We didn’t say yesterday.” _

Her fingers hovering over the screen, Yaz typed out the beginning of a reply but was immediately interrupted once again.

_ “Or did we? I’m sorry I’m terrible at this stuff.” _

And a moment later:

_ “I’m going to stop spamming you now. Sorry. See ya later!” _

Laughing, Yaz waited a moment, in case another message would pop up after all, but when it didn’t, she finally got to type out her reply.

_ “I’m going to come pick you up, if that’s okay. You said you finish your shift at 7? _

_ And there’s no reason to apologise, I like hearing from you :)” _

She groaned as soon as she hit send. It had probably been too much. She didn’t want to come across as too much. However, her fears got dissipated by an incoming message what felt like mere seconds later.

_ “Yes! Perfect. You can come straight to the hospital, I have all my stuff with me. _

_ I like hearing from you, too :)” _

Once again an embarrassingly wide grin settled on Yaz’s cheek as her heart fluttered at the response.

_ Calm down, Khan _ , she told herself.  _ It’s just a date. Might go well, might not. You’ll be fine either way. _

The truth was, she wasn’t entirely sure she  _ would _ be fine if it didn’t go well. That kiss yesterday, however short it had been, had finally flipped the switch she had been trying to hold onto for weeks now. The switch that until yesterday had been firmly set to “Jane is a lovely person, we are work colleagues and on our way to becoming good friends” and now had definitely been flipped to “Jane is gorgeous and I want to kiss her all the time”.

Yaz was so lost in her thoughts that not only did her tea go cold, but she also almost missed the time at which she had to leave for work, inhaling sharply as she realised that she was going to have to hurry up if she was to make it in time. She didn’t need to give Crane another reason to pick on her, sure as she was that Jane’s words yesterday might have saved her from losing her job, but probably also made the Inspector desperate for a way to pay it back to her. Yaz had no doubt that he had already talked to her DS, and she did  _ not _ want to be put back on the night shift again for weeks at a time.

_ Especially not now _ , she thought, and almost gave herself a heart attack when her mind conjured up an image of tangled sheets and messy blonde hair in her bed.

“Khan!” she hissed at herself as she grabbed her coat and keys, hurrying out the door of her flat. 

One thing was for sure: now she definitely wasn’t going to get Jane Smith out of her head.

\---

Work seemed to drag on forever, and Yaz was starting to feel like she would never be able to leave her desk ever again. To make it all worse, there had been no calls for her and Ryan all day, the only case that had come up having been snatched away from them by two senior detectives at the last moment.

“I really want to get out of here”, she groaned as Ryan put a cup of coffee down on her desk. “Thanks for the coffee, though.”

“You’re welcome. Why so eager to get out?”

The moment Yaz felt the heat rise into her cheeks, she knew she had lost.

“Oh”, Ryan said, dragging his chair around her desk so he could sit down next to her, grinning from ear to ear. “Do tell.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“There most definitely is.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Yaz tried to remain strong, but Ryan wouldn’t stop wiggling his eyebrows at her, and when he started nudging her with his elbow, she decided she might as well spill the beans.

“I have a date.”

“A date”, he repeated, smirking. “And who’s the lucky girl?”

Yaz took a deep breath.  _ No way back now. _

“Jane.”

She watched as Ryan’s eyes went wide and his jaw practically dropped to the floor, and felt the blush on her cheeks creep deeper.

“Damn”, Ryan finally whispered. “Well done.”

“I didn’t do anything”, Yaz replied. “She did all the asking.” She stopped for a moment, feeling her cheeks grow impossibly warm. “And kissing”, she finally added, almost in a whisper.

“Woah woah wait”, Ryan said, rolling his chair closer towards her. “She  _ kissed _ you? When? Where?”

The final hour of her shift passed quickly after that, with Ryan spending most of it pressing every little detail about yesterday's events out of her, and then moving on to what she had planned for tonight. 

"Nothing special", she replied as she grabbed her leather jacket off the back of her seat. "The usual, dinner, maybe a walk after." 

"A walk", Ryan replied, wiggling his eyebrows. "Sounds romantic."

"Oh do shut up", Yaz mumbled, but at the same time, she couldn't help but admit that she was enjoying this. It had been a very long time since she had felt this way about a date, not since high school if she was being honest. Yes, she had been seeing people since then, but she had never really clicked with any of them.

Once she had said her goodbyes to Ryan, she drove across the city to her flat, quickly running through it as she picked up the outfit she had had the brains this morning to already put down on the bed. She knew she was bad at last minute decisions, and the nerves surely wouldn't have helped.

She took a look at herself in the mirror once she was dressed, and had to admit that she was quite satisfied with the outfit. Black skinny jeans, a black silk blouse tucked into the front. It was simple, but she knew it worked well on her. 

Yaz lived close enough to the hospital that she decided she would walk there, hoping Jane wouldn't be inconvenienced by the lack of transport.

_ I could always call her a taxi later _ , she thought, then felt her cheeks grow red once more as a familiar image flashed through her mind. 

_ It's literally our first date, calm the fuck down, Yaz.  _

The evening air was doing her good. She pulled her leather jacket closer around herself, realising that her outfit might not have been the best choice for this kind of weather. For a brief moment, she considered running back to her flat and grabbing a pullover or something, but then she remembered how happy she was with her look and pride won out over her need to be warm. 

She stood in front of the hospital for a moment, debating whether or not she should wait inside, when the sliding doors suddenly opened and Jane stood there, illuminated by the light from the lobby hitting her back. 

Yaz didn't know what she had expected, but it wasn't this. 

Jane was standing there, soft smile as always, wearing a dark red turtleneck under a long black coat. Her hair was pulled back in a messy half ponytail, and she was wearing black rimmed glasses. 

_ Glasses _ . 

Yaz swallowed. Since when had glasses become this attractive? This whole thing was starting to become very unfair. 

"Yaz", Jane called out, waving at her, and before Yaz had the time to prepare herself, she started walking towards her. 

"Hi Jane", Yaz managed to croak out, hands suddenly fidgeting with the zipper of her jacket. 

Jane frowned. "Aren't you cold in this?" 

"No!" Yaz immediately exclaimed - probably a bit too quickly. She swallowed, and smiled what she hoped was a reassuring smile, shoving her hands in her pockets to keep them from shaking. "No, I'm good. Are you ready?" 

Jane nodded, and they started walking towards the city centre in relative silence. All the way, Yaz was wracking her brain for something to say, some conversation to start, but everytime she opened her mouth to look over at the blonde next to her, her thoughts went completely blank. Jane was just too distracting.

_ Say something _ , she tried to push herself once again. _ You have to say something. _

"I didn't know you need glasses." 

_ Great start _ , she mentally groaned at herself. 

"Oh yeah, I wear contact lenses usually because it's easier at work. But my eyes were tired today so I figured I could switch to my glasses for the evening."

She scrunched her face up as she pushed the glasses up her nose, obviously not used to wearing them. 

"They look really good on you." 

_ Oh God.  _

"You think so?" Jane asked, sudden excitement all over her face. "I was never quite sure they were right for me when I picked them out because the rims are quite dark and thick, but I really liked them and if you say they suit me…"

Emboldened by Jane's excitement, Yaz decided to double down. 

"Yeah, you look beautiful." 

It was with more than just a little satisfaction that Yaz watched the light blush that crept up Jane's cheeks, and she had to suppress a smile. 

"Anyway", Jane continued, fiddling with the rim of her glasses. "Where are we going?" 

“Well”, Yaz said, suddenly stopping and reaching out to her right to hold open a door for Jane. “We’re actually already here.”

\---

“Favorite colour?”

“Blue.”

“Like the sky?”

“Nah, darker. Like… like those old police boxes!”

Yaz laughed. “That’s oddly specific.”

“I just always thought the colour looked… calming?”

“Fair enough.”

“My turn!” Jane said as she eagerly leaned over the table, eyes filled with excitement. Their empty plates had been taken away just a moment ago, leaving them with their glasses of wine and mineral water respectively, which meant no barrier between them. Soon, they had one hand each resting in the middle of the table, mere inches apart, and every nerve in Yaz’s body burned to put her own hand on top of Jane’s.

“Why did you decide to join the police force, detective Khan?”

“Ah”, Yaz replied, smiling. “Well, I guess I have always been the protective type.”

“Oh yeah, I can see that.”

Jane smiled, and Yaz had to fight down another blush.

“As a kid I used to always be the one who defended the other kids on the playground, and then when I grew up I realised that I wanted to keep doing that. Spend my life protecting people. I joined the force, did my training and was a regular PC for a while. But I got a bit annoyed by the uhm… boys’ club mentality of it all so I decided to move up the ranks.”

“Well done”, Jane grinned. “And now, how do the boys like getting their orders from a female detective?”

Yaz laughed. “They are mostly fine with it, actually, except for the occasional idiot.” She frowned as she remembered her Sergeant and the other Detectives. “Actually, it seems that the higher up you go, the worse it gets.”

“I’m sorry”, Jane said, sincere sympathy shining out of her eyes. “If it helps, I know what it’s like. I mean, I got lucky with Graham this time, but the amount of male partners I’ve had talk down to me simply because I’m a woman… it’s infuriating.”

Yaz nodded, and in the next moment, almost drew in a sharp breath as suddenly, Jane’s warm hand was covering her own. It was so soft and comforting that Yaz never wanted it to move ever again.

They sat like that for a moment, eyes never leaving each other, an invisible tension charging up the air between them, until Jane smiled once again.

“Your turn.”

“Oh”, Yaz said, feeling like she had just come out of an intense trance. “Yes! Uhm… Speaking about jobs, how did you become a paramedic?”

Something passed over Jane’s face once again. It was brief, but Yaz had seen the look before, and she wondered if one day she might ask about it.

“Much like you”, Jane said. “I love helping people. Medicine fascinates me, so that is the path I chose. I…” she hesitated for a moment, breaking eye contact, then continued more quietly. “I wanted to become a Doctor actually, but I couldn’t afford that education, unfortunately.”

“I’m sorry”, Yaz said, and she instinctively moved her hand so their fingers intertwined, giving Jane’s hand what she hoped was a reassuring squeeze. “Were your parents able to help out a bit with your paramedic education at least? That can’t have been easy otherwise, either.”

Yaz practically felt the air around them turn to ice as everything about Jane’s posture changed, her shoulders slacking, her eyes going numb and every hint of that warm smile that usually adorned her face vanishing entirely.

“They’re dead”, she finally spoke, with the kind of cold composure that people have when they are used to repeating a painful truth over and over again. “They died when I was thirteen.”

Yaz immediately felt like somebody had emptied out a bucket of ice cold water over her head.

“Oh”, Yaz finally breathed out. “Oh Jane I am so sorry, I had no idea.”

She reaches forward instinctively, covering their intertwined hands with her free one. 

“It’s alright”, Jane says, shaking her head. “It happened a long time ago.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Yaz mentally beating herself up for being so careless, for bringing something up on their very first date that was obviously still causing the other woman a lot of pain.

Yaz almost jumped out of her chair when all of a sudden a vaguely familiar voice rang out from behind them.

“Hello sweetie.”

Jane’s head shot up so quickly that Yaz wondered if she might have hurt her neck in the process, and her eyes grew the size of saucers.

“Mel”, she breathed.

When Yaz turned around, following Jane’s gaze, she came face to face with the woman whose domestic fight she had broken up a couple of weeks ago. The curly haired blonde had her hands on her hips and she was smiling that smile again, the one that pierced right through whoever she was looking at, her eyes ablaze with humour and passion and perhaps even the tiniest hint of danger.

“You two know each other?” Yaz finally managed to croak out.

“Know each other?” Melody Pond replied, grinning as she lifted an eyebrow. “That one wanted to marry me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand she's back ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the date night, here we go :D

“Hello sweetie.”

For a split second, Jane thought she had misheard. That it was someone else the voice was calling out to, and that it didn’t belong to who it reminded her of at all.

She couldn’t help the way her body reacted to it, though. Her head snapped up almost on instinct, so fast that she thought she was going to be dizzy for a moment.

The moment she looked into those eyes, saw the familiar storm brewing behind them, Jane felt like she was falling backwards, as if someone was pulling her out of her own body.

_ “You can’t be serious.” _

_ A lifted eyebrow. _

_ “Of course I am. You always knew I wanted to do this.” _

_ “But you can’t, you can’t go and leave me behind, you can’t -” _

_ “Jane, I am doing this.” _

_ A moment of silence, filled to the brim with tension, one woman staring at the other, gaze never faltering, the other one trying desperately to avoid locking eyes. Then, a quiet whisper, almost broken. _

_ “You said yes.” _

_ “That’s still my answer.” _

_ “How could it be?” _

_ “Come with me.” _

_ Panic, blooming in her chest and then breaking out like a claw, grabbing her ribcage in an iron hold. Pressing, pressing, pressing, until there was no air left in her lungs. _

_ “I can’t.” _

_ “Then wait for me, here.” _

_ “No. No, I can’t.” _

_ “Then what does this mean?” _

_ “It means…” _

_ The desperate attempt to take a deep breath, to clear her own head of the fog that was settling in her mind. _

_ “It means -” _

_ And then she turned around and fled. _

  
  


“Jane. Jane!”

“Hm?”

Jane crashed back into the room with brutal force, still feeling the remnants of the pressure on her chest.

“Are you okay?”

Yaz leaned over, across the table, placing a soft hand on Jane’s cheek. The gesture took her by surprise, yet Jane found herself sinking into it, comforted by the warmth, as she gave a nod in return and found the room around her slowly coming into focus once again.

“Well, well,  _ Detective _ ”, Jane heard Melody say, and when she looked up there was a suggestive smile on her face. It made Jane blush, and a quick glance at Yaz showed that she was not the only one. When she felt Yaz starting to drop her hand as a result, Jane subconsciously found herself reaching out for it, holding on to it for a moment before slowly dropping their hands together, leaving them intertwined on the table. Yaz shot her a surprised look across the table, which quickly morphed into a smile.

“And I’m glad to see Jane is back out there in the dating pool”, Melody continued, winking at Jane, who could have sworn that Yaz’s hold on her hand got a little stronger. The thought of a possessive side to Yaz made Jane’s heart skip a beat.

There was a moment of awkward silence after that, and Jane practically felt Yaz’s unspoken questions hanging in the air between them. 

“How’s the… uhm”, Yaz finally started, obviously feeling uncomfortable with the loaded situation.

“The baby?” Melody replied, and Jane felt like somebody had punched her square in the chest.

“I decided that there will be no baby”, Melody finished.

“Oh”, Yaz replied, looking surprised. “What about your husband?”

_ Husband _ .

Lifting an eyebrow, Melody leaned down slightly, fixing Yaz’s gaze with her own.

“My husband”, she said softly, “supports a woman’s right to choose. Don’t you, detective?”

“Of...of course I do!” Yaz exclaimed, eyes going wide. “I didn’t mean to imply… I -”

Jane gave Yaz’s hand a reassuring squeeze, suddenly feeling very protective of the woman sitting across from her. She knew Melody could be quite a handful and had a definite talent for putting people on the spot.

“It’s fine, Yaz”, Jane spoke softly, then turned her eyes back towards Melody. “I think we’ll be heading out now. It was nice to see you again, Mel.”

“You, too”, the blonde replied.

As Jane got up, she was taken by surprise when Melody put a hand on her arm, leaning forward to whisper in her ear.

“She’s a good one, that one. Don’t run away again.”

\---

  
  


“Well that was…”

They had decided to take a walk through the park. It was quiet at this time of day, but Jane didn’t mind. She was glad for the fresh air, clearing her head after running into Melody like that.

“Yeah”, she mumbled, looking absentmindedly over the pond stretched out next to them, faintly gleaming in the light of the surrounding lanterns. She felt Yaz’s hesitation next to her, the unspoken questions once more hanging in the air.

“We were together in college”, she finally said. “I always looked up to her. She was doing exactly what I wanted to - studying to become a pediatric surgeon. But as I said, I couldn’t afford that, with what my parents had left me, so I became a paramedic instead.” She took a breath, then ended up surprising herself with her own words a moment later. “One day, I want to go to med school. I’m trying to save up.”

She paused for a moment, realising that she had never actually spoken those words out loud. Before she could dwell on what it was about Yaz that made her want to open up, she continued.   
  
“Anyways, Melody was the first family I felt I had after my parents passed away. We got together, and I asked her to marry me. But she decided to move away, go work for Doctors Without Borders. And that was that for us.”

“I’m sorry”, Yaz said, and out of the corner of her eye, Jane could see the honesty shining in the young detective’s eyes. 

“It’s okay”, Jane replied. “It happened a long time ago now. I just really didn’t expect to run into her tonight.” A soft chuckle escaped her as she turned towards a bench, sitting down so she could look over the pond. “She’s… quite something.”

“Oh that she is”, Yaz replied, sitting down next to her. “I ran into her at work and boy… that woman has fire.”

Jane felt herself laugh. “You don’t know the half of it. Once, she pulled a Lady Godiva at uni when a student was thrown out of the campus café for breastfeeding. It was pretty epic.”

“Wait”, Yaz said, turning towards her. “What?”

“She got herself a horse and rode fully naked across campus, loudly proclaiming a woman’s right to use her body in whichever way she chooses.”

“Wow”, Yaz breathed.

“Yeah”, Jane chuckled. “She probably would have ended up being the death of me in the end, that one.”

“Well, I’m glad she wasn’t.”

There was an unspoken meaning behind her words, one that made Jane’s heart flutter. Without Jane noticing, their hands had once again found each other on the bench between them, and suddenly she felt the urge to say something.

“Hey Yaz”, she said softly.

“Hm?”

“I’m glad we met.”

Then, with a crooked smile, she added:

“Even though we didn’t have a great start.”

“Oh we really didn’t”, Yaz replied, and then both women found themselves breaking into laughter. There was something so relieving about it that Jane almost couldn’t stop, and they pushed each other on, until they somehow landed with their foreheads against each other, still softly chuckling.

_ Kiss her. _

The thought was clear in Jane’s head, and even though she had done so before, she found herself suddenly lacking the final ounce of courage as she held on to Yaz’s hand, heart beating fast in her chest. Then, she suddenly saw a shiver running through Yaz’s body, and realised once again that the detective was wearing nothing but a thin leather jacket - which, Jane had to admit, looked incredibly good on her. 

“Come on”, she said, getting up but never letting go of Yaz’s hand in the process as Yaz followed suit, looking mildly surprised. “Take this.”

She took off her coat, not even thinking about it, and reached around Yaz to pull it over the slightly smaller woman’s shoulders. As her hands grazed over Yaz’s shoulders in the process, she felt the other woman’s muscles underneath, and realised that her mouth had gone dry.

“There”, she said, smiling as she pulled the coat closed in front, Yaz reaching for the lapel from the inside so it wouldn’t just fall off her. “Better?”

Instead of replying, Yaz just stood there for a moment, eyes fixed on Jane’s and never faltering.

Then, taking Jane completely by surprise, Yaz slung an arm around her waist, pulling her closer and at the same time leaning up. “Better”, she mumbled, and Jane could feel the detective’s breath ghost over her lips.

Under Yaz’s strong gaze, Jane could suddenly feel her heartbeat everywhere - in her stomach, her chest, in her throat and all the way into her fingertips and toes. And then she leaned forward, closing the final bit of distance between them.

The first touch of their lips was as soft as Jane remembered it from the back of the ambulance. They moved slowly against each other, Jane’s heartbeat thundering in her ears, her hands almost shaking until she finally decided to grab a hold of her own coat, wrapped around Yaz, and pull the woman flush against her own body.

The movement was accompanied by a soft moan escaping Yaz’s lips, and suddenly Jane’s entire body was on fire. Their mouths started to move quicker, hungrier, as Yaz’s hold on her waist tightened. When finally the detective’s tongue brushed over Jane’s lower lip, she eagerly let her in, still trying to pull the other woman impossibly closer.

She felt like she never wanted to let go of her ever again.

When they finally came up for air, Yaz’s lips looking red and puffy, Jane felt like her head was spinning in the best possible way.

“Walk me home?” Yaz asked, softly, tentatively, and the unspoken question behind it made Jane’s skin tingle.

“I would love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... you guys ready for some smut? ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the whole world is currently losing its collective mind and we're all maybe a little bit scared, I thought I could distract you all with going off schedule and posting the smut early.
> 
> Beware the inevitable ratings change ;)

The whole walk towards her building, Yaz felt like she was either going to pass out from the way her blood was rushing through her veins at high speed or break out into uncontrollable laughter from all the bubbling that was going on in her stomach. She felt stupidly happy at the mere fact that she got to hold Jane’s hand right now, barely containing a grin, and at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel anxious about what was to potentially happen next. It had taken all of her courage to not only kiss the blonde, but then to even go a step further in asking her to walk her home - the implication behind the question being, so Yaz had hoped, clear.

Now, however, as they had awkwardly stopped in front of her flat door, she felt like all the confidence she had felt earlier in the park had left her. It didn’t help that she was wrapped up in Jane’s coat, hints of the blonde’s perfume enveloping her senses and making her head spin.

“So”, Jane said, gaze trailing on the ground as she fiddled with her glasses, all the while shifting her weight from one foot to another. “I had a really great time tonight.”

The way the blonde smiled as she looked up made Yaz’s heart flutter. “Me too”, she replied.

They stood in silence for a moment, their hands still intertwined between them. Jane had started brushing Yaz’s palm ever so softly with her thumb, and the young detective thought she was going to combust.

“Right”, Jane finally said. “I guess I should -”

“Do you want to come in for a cup of tea?”

She had fired the question out without thinking, and her stomach dropped as soon as she saw Jane hesitate.

“You don’t have to”, she added quickly. “It’s late, I probably should -”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes”, Jane said, smiling sheepishly.

Yaz fumbled with her key for a moment, then opened the door to her flat, stepping aside to let Jane in. Taking off her shoes in the hallway, she hung up Jane’s coat and her own jacket, quickly hurrying into the kitchen right after to busy herself with putting the kettle on.

“Do you like fruit teas?” she called out.

“I do”, Jane replied.

When Yaz turned around, Jane was curiously looking around her kitchen, hands behind her back.

“Your place looks nice”, she said, a shy smile dancing over her lips.

“Only because I’ve been on the day shift”, Yaz admitted, leaning back against the counter. “You should have seen this place while I was on nights, I never had the energy to clean away anything.”

“Yeah, I know that feeling. I still have some boxes standing around from the move.”

The blonde lifted a hand, scratching the back of her head with such a guilty look on her face that Yaz couldn’t help but laugh.

“What”, Jane said, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Nothing”, Yaz replied. “You just look cute, that’s all.”

When Jane’s blush deepened, Yaz took a little bit of pride in it. 

_ You got this,  _ she told herself.

“You don’t look too bad yourself”, Jane said, and then she took a step towards Yaz, reaching out to place a hand on the countertop, the other coming to rest ever so gently on Yaz’s hip.

The unexpected closeness made Yaz’s heart jump in her chest and a sudden heat pool in her belly. From one moment to the next, the air between them felt charged, and Jane’s gaze was so intense it made Yaz’s skin tingle. 

Slowly, Yaz took her own hand off the counter, running it up Jane’s arm. As she reached Jane’s shoulder, she gently dropped it to rest over the blonde’s heart instead, and the look that suddenly appeared in Jane’s eyes at the gesture was filled with undeniable vulnerability.

The moment was so delicate, so intimate, that Yaz wondered if she ever wanted to be anywhere else again that wasn’t right there, right then, with Jane’s hand on her hip and the gentle drumming of Jane’s heartbeat under her fingertips.

When the kettle started whistling next to them, Yaz didn’t want to move. But Jane, without taking her eyes off of Yaz, wordlessly reached for the kettle, taking it off the hot stove.

Then, placing her hand on Yaz’s cheek, she leaned down slowly, softly brushing her lips against Yaz’s.

The moment they made contact, Yaz felt a sigh tumble over her lips, and her free hand snuck up into Jane’s hair, tugging at it ever so lightly.

She must have hit a button, because from one moment to the next, it was like an invisible barrier had been broken, and Jane pressed her body flush against hers, her grip on her hip tightening as her tongue flicked over Yaz’s bottom lip. Yaz couldn’t help but moan into Jane’s mouth as their tongues met, and before she knew what was happening, Jane had somehow lifted her onto the counter.

Yaz felt like her entire body was on fire as soon as Jane stood between her legs, and without thinking, she crossed them behind the blonde, pulling her closer. The deep groan that resonated through the kitchen a moment later only encouraged Yaz, who felt her breath hitch in her throat when Jane abandoned her mouth in favor of kissing down her neck instead. 

“Jane”, she whispered.

As soon as Jane’s hands untucked her blouse and warm fingers grazed over the skin just above her trousers, Yaz knew that she had lost all control. Before she knew it, Jane’s fingers were working their way over the buttons of her blouse, exposing her chest to the cool air. Tugging the blouse off her shoulders, Jane leaned down, lips ghosting over the exposed skin of Yaz’s chest.

“You are beautiful”, Jane mumbled, and suddenly, Yaz felt the insatiable need for contact. She started tugging forcefully at the hem of Jane’s pullover. Not wasting a moment, Jane took off her glasses, practically throwing them onto the counter as she lifted her arms over her head, letting Yaz pull the pullover off and drop it down on the kitchen floor.

The feeling of Jane’s soft skin under her fingers only intensified the throbbing in her core, and Yaz could feel her nipples harden against the lace of her bra.

“Bedroom”, she gasped as Jane’s hand cupped her breast, stroking over the lace, while her mouth was once again on her neck, kissing and nipping and driving Yaz completely insane.

Yaz gasped, throwing her arms around Jane’s neck as the blonde just proceeded to lift her off the counter, carrying her out into the corridor.

“Where”, Jane said.

“Second door on the left.”

Laying her down on the bed, Jane snuck one hand up behind Yaz’s back opening her bra. As she pushed her back into the mattress, the blonde didn’t waste a second, her lips ghosting over Yaz’s breast before she flicked her tongue over her nipple.

Yaz’s head was swimming, and all she could do was dig her nails into the blonde’s back while Jane licked, sucked and bit, turning her into a whimpering mess.

“Jane”, she gasped. “Jane I need you.”

For a moment, Jane stopped, but before Yaz could say anything, deft fingers were working on the buttons of her jeans, and Jane sat up to push them down her legs and pull them off. When she leaned back down, she kissed the inside of Yaz’s thigh, working her way closer and closer to the brunette’s burning core.

As Jane’s lips finally grazed over her underwear, Yaz gasped, back arching off the mattress at the sudden contact as she felt the urge to press herself against the blonde’s mouth.

Suddenly, the contact was gone, and Yaz wanted to scream, but a moment later Jane crashed her lips against hers once again, and then her hand was sliding into Yaz’s underwear.

As soon as Jane’s fingers were gliding over wet folds, Yaz couldn’t stop herself from moaning into the blonde’s mouth, her hips rocking up to meet Jane’s touch. She felt her face flush as Jane circled her clit, setting every nerve in her body on fire.

“Oh God”, she groaned.

Then the blonde pushed a finger inside of her, and Yaz reached out for the headboard behind her, holding onto it as Jane started moving inside of her. By the time she added another finger, pumping them in and out with increasing speed, Yaz couldn’t stop the sounds that were escaping her, moaning breathlessly as she pushed against Jane’s hand, urging the blonde to go harder, faster. 

Jane’s mouth once again kissed down Yaz’s neck, sucking and licking. For a moment, Yaz worried about the marks the blonde was surely leaving, but then she realised that she  _ wanted _ them. She wanted Jane to take her like this - raw, possessive, strong.

With a particularly hard bite, Jane began circling Yaz’s clit with her thumb, and the brunette felt a new gush of wetness between her legs and a knot starting to form in her stomach. Her grip on the headboard tightened as she glanced down at the blonde’s hand working between her legs, and suddenly, she felt like she was going to implode.

“Jane”, she moaned. “Oh God Jane I’m -”

Her head fell back against the pillow, back arching off the mattress, as her orgasm hit her sudden and hard, wave after wave of pleasure crashing through her body as her walls clenched around Jane’s fingers, who continued to move inside of her, drawing every last drop of pleasure out of her. 

As she slumped back down onto the mattress, hands releasing the headboard, Yaz wasn’t entirely sure where she was for a moment. Everything around her was fuzzy, and her whole body was tingling with the aftershocks of pleasure. Then Jane placed a soft kiss on her lips, and Yaz was suddenly very aware of what had just happened.

_ Jane _ .

“Hi”, Jane breathed, a lopsided smile on her face.

“Hi”, Yaz replied, bringing a hand up to rest on Jane’s neck. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah?” Jane said, her smile growing. Then, as she threw a sideways glance at Yaz’s neck, she suddenly looked sheepish. “I uhm… I think I might have overdone it a bit there.”

“Nah”, Yaz said, threading her fingers through Jane’s hair. She looked even more beautiful like this somehow, with tousled locks and swollen lips. “I loved it, actually.”

The look of pure delight on Jane’s face was so endearing that Yaz leaned up, drawing the blonde into another deep kiss. As soon as the blonde lowered herself against Yaz, the heat between them quickly returned, making Yaz crave the feeling of Jane’s skin under her hands.

Letting the tip of her index finger run along the skin under Jane’s breast, Yaz dipped it underneath her bra, and smiled against the blonde’s lips as she heard her draw in her breath.

“Yaz.”

The whispering of her name was all the encouragement Yaz needed, and she flipped Jane over onto her back, letting her mouth roam over the blonde’s chest as she moved to open her bra. Throwing it to the side, Yaz gently cupped one of Jane’s breasts with her hand, flicking her thumb over the nipple which instantly hardened under her touch. She quickly moved her mouth over the other breast, drawing the nipple in between her teeth.

She was rewarded with a groan from Jane, who grabbed a handful of Yaz’s hair, holding her in place. Yaz obliged happily, licking and sucking on the nipple, and finally releasing it with a light bite.

Jane was squirming underneath her, nails grazing over her back, and Yaz quickly moved to get rid of the blonde’s trousers, pushing them down her legs. As she moved up to place kisses over Jane’s belly, she felt nerves flutter in her stomach. But her desire to touch the blonde was stronger than any kind of hesitation could ever be, and so she gently tugged at Jane’s underwear, looking up for silent permission.

As Jane looked down, pupils dilated and face flushed with desire, Yaz felt a new heat pool between her legs.

“Yes”, Jane groaned, answering Yaz’s unspoken question. “God please yes.”

Pulling down Jane’s underwear, Yaz couldn’t help but moan when she saw the blonde’s glistening core, and she leaned down to spread Jane’s legs, putting a gentle kiss just above her clit. 

“Yaz”, Jane breathed, and Yaz couldn’t help but smile at the clear impatience of her tone. “ _ Please. _ ”

It was all Yaz needed to hear, and she moved her head down, dragging her tongue up through Jane’s wetness. 

The response was instant, a loud moan falling from Jane’s lips as her hand grabbed Yaz’s hair once more, pushing her further against her core. Thus encouraged, Yaz began licking in long, deep strokes, keeping a steady rhythm to Jane’s moans as the blonde bucked against her mouth, keeping an iron grip on her hair.

As the blonde’s movements became more frantic, Yaz began concentrating her efforts on her clit, adding more pressure as she brought a finger up to Jane’s opening. As she pushed it in slowly, she felt Jane beginning to lose control, and as Yaz pumped her finger into her, the blonde’s movements against Yaz’s mouth started falling out of rhythm, her breathing growing increasingly shallow. With the tip of her tongue, Yaz flicked Jane’s clit as she pushed another finger into her.

“Yaz!”

The scream tumbled over Jane’s lips at the same moment that Yaz felt the blonde clench around her fingers, bucking against her mouth as she rode out her orgasm until her hips finally slumped back onto the mattress.

Slowly easing herself out of Jane, Yaz used the back of her hand to wipe away the wetness from her chin. She moved up the mattress, lying down on her side next to Jane who took her into her arms. One leg draped over Jane, Yaz let her hand rest just over the blonde’s heart, just like she had done in the kitchen before.

“Wow”, Jane mumbled as she turned her head towards her. “You’re brilliant.”

Yaz couldn’t help but feel a grin spread over her face as she nuzzled her face into Jane’s neck. “You’re pretty great yourself”, she whispered.

They lay in content silence for a while, enjoying the warmth of each other’s skin and, exhausted in the best possible way, Yaz soon felt sleep tug at the edge of her mind, and she curled in closer to Jane, smiling as she breathed in her scent.

“Yaz.”

She barely registered her name being spoken as she drifted off, and then the words, whispered so quietly that they were almost impossible to hear:

“I’m not scared when you’re around.”

But then she had already succumbed to the pull of sleep, falling into a happy, dreamless slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀👀


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The morning after ;)

The first thing Jane noticed when she woke up was the softness of the sheets wrapped around her naked body, coupled with the faint scent of vanilla and coconut emanating from the pillow.

_ Naked. _

Her heart fluttered at the images that flashed through her mind: Yaz in a black lace bra on the kitchen counter, Yaz moaning into her neck as she came undone, Yaz’s mouth all over Jane’s skin -

She felt heat beginning to pool between her legs, and turned onto her side, hand reaching out for the woman next to her. But the sheets were empty and cold, and Jane blinked her eyes open to find that she was alone in the bed.

Confusion rose at the back of her mind, but then she noticed the faint light of sunrise breaking in through the window, and finally saw the figure standing facing towards it. 

Her breath caught in her throat.

Yaz was wearing fresh, light clothes, her eyes half closed as she worked through a series of repetitive movements, lips mumbling inaudible words. The way the light enveloped her, casting a faint glow onto her face, Jane thought she had never seen a more beautiful thing in her life.

It took her a moment to realise that the brunette was praying, and she suddenly felt like she was intruding on a very personal moment, yet she couldn’t keep her eyes off of Yaz. She watched as the woman knelt, bowing down until her head touched the floor. Then, coming back into a sitting position, she lifted her index finger, and Jane could hear soft, quiet words being spoken.

Yaz turned her head to the right, pausing for a moment, then turned to the left, eyes closed as she mumbled a final phrase.

When her eyes flew open, she met Jane’s across the room, and a soft smile danced over her lips.

“Hi”, she said.

“Hi.”

Yaz stood up, making her way over to the bed. She sat next to Jane, then leaned down, hesitating for a moment, a silent question in her eyes.

In response, Jane just reached out, pulling Yaz down into a deep kiss. The moment their tongues met, Jane felt the hunger from the previous night return, and she moaned into Yaz’s mouth, desperately needing to be closer to her once again.

Just as Yaz’s hand started slipping underneath the sheets, Jane remembered that she was actually supposed to be at work sooner rather than later.

_ Of all the days to be on the early shift. _

With a sigh, she pulled back, catching Yaz’s hand before it could go anywhere that would officially count as past the point of no return for Jane.

“I have to go to work”, she mumbled, and although her hold on Yaz’s hand was strong, she couldn’t stop herself from kissing the brunette again.

“You do?” Yaz whispered against her lips. “I have the day off”, she added, then moved away from Jane’s mouth over to her neck, and Jane felt like she was going to melt away underneath the woman’s touch. 

“Yaz”, she groaned.

She was always so punctual, Jane thought. Being a little bit late, just this once, wasn’t going to hurt anyone. It was the day shift, her team wasn’t the only one around, and mornings were usually quiet anyway.

Before she knew it, she had released her grip on Yaz’s hand, and the detective didn’t need any further encouragement.

The moment Yaz slipped a finger inside of her, Jane forgot about work all together.

\---

Jane didn’t care that she walked into the hospital a good ten minutes late, or that she was wearing the exact same outfit she had upon leaving the night before, or that her world was a bit fuzzy around the edges because she had left her glasses on Yaz’s countertop.

As she went to change into her work uniform, popping in a pair of spare contact lenses she kept in her locker, she hummed to herself the entire time, a stupid grin plastered over her face. 

“What up, Cathy”, she greeted as she walked out into the hallway, passing a nurse who just frowned, answering with a short nod.

“Tiiiiim”, she called out, playfully slapping her coworker on his arm as he walked by. He didn’t reply, instead just shooting her a confused look.

By the time she reached Graham at the end of the hallway, enthusiastically greeting her colleagues left and right on the way, the man was laughing. “What has gotten into you today, Doc?”

_ Doc. _

Yeah, she could be a Doctor one day, Jane thought. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she felt like right now she would probably be able to do pretty much anything she set her mind on. 

“Well”, a voice suddenly rang out next to them, and they turned to find their driver Amy walking up to them, grinning. “Somebody had a good date.”

“What?”

Jane felt heat rise to her cheeks as Graham looked at her, eyes wide.

“How do you know?” Jane hissed, trying to ignore Graham’s questioning look. She was pretty sure she hadn’t told anyone about the fact that she was going on a date.

“Sweetie”, Amy replied, smiling. “You never dress like that.”

Feeling the heat in her cheeks intensify, Jane nervously fiddled with the hem of her shirt, looking down the hallway while desperately trying to think of a way out of this conversation.

But, as it turned out, her colleagues wouldn’t let her.

“Well”, Graham said, playfully nudging her with his elbow. “Go on then, tell us about it! Who’s the lucky fella?”

“Or gal”, Amy added, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Or person”, Graham finished.

“Guys”, Jane groaned, covering her face with one hand as she wished for a hole to open up in the ground underneath her. Graham knew Yaz. For all Jane knew, they spent a fair amount of time together through Ryan, and Jane wasn’t ready to talk to Graham about the night - and morning - she had just spent with his grandson’s best friend and work partner.

At that, an image from the morning flashed through her mind, of Yaz’s face contorted in pleasure as Jane pressed her against the steamed up glass shower doors, and Jane could feel the tip of her ears turning red as well.

“Woah”, Amy breathed. “ _ That _ good.”

Before anything else could be said, Jane suddenly felt her pager vibrate against her hip.

“Call!” she exclaimed, abruptly ripping the pager off her belt. “Work to do! People to help. Let’s go.”

And with that, she spun around on her heels and started walking, not missing Amy’s laugh drifting down the corridor behind her. 

“Saved by the bell!”, the woman called out, and Jane couldn’t be more grateful.

Thankfully, Amy had to retreat to the driver’s cabin for the ride, shielding Jane from further questions. She felt a bit safer with just Graham, as she reckoned the man wouldn’t prod her any further without the encouragement from Amy.

But then Amy opened the little separation between the driver’s cabin and the back of the ambulance, and for a moment, Jane feared the questioning was going to continue throughout the ride. She breathed a sigh of relief as she realised a moment later that the redhead was just going to brief them on what they were heading towards.

“Right”, Amy said, suddenly all business. “We got an officer down with a gunshot wound on Queen Street.”

“Officer down?” Graham immediately piped up, worry painted across his face. Jane could practically see him rack his brain for Ryan’s schedule, and she quickly leaned forward, smiling reassuringly as she put a hand on his leg.

“They’ve got the day off, Graham.”

She watched as relief instantly washed over Graham’s face, but in the next moment, it was replaced by a subtle confusion.

“Wait”, he said. “How do you -”

Once again, Jane was saved, this time by the ambulance coming to a halt, and she immediately stood up to throw the doors open. Jumping out of the back, she looked around, her eyes falling on a small group of people gathered in front of a shop.

Confused, she realised that they were all civilians. There was no second officer in sight, no police car, no partner eagerly running towards her, explaining the situation. Instead, an older woman turned to Jane, panic written all over her face.

“He was trying to rob the store!” she said, holding on to her purse with both hands, eyes wide. “The other shopper, she said she’s police, but then he just shot her down and ran.”

An intense feeling of unease was starting to settle in Jane’s stomach. Something about this whole situation was terribly wrong, she could feel it in her bones. When the crowd in front of her finally parted, revealing the body onthe ground, she knew why.

There, lying in a slowly growing pool of dark red, eyelids fluttering as she obviously struggled to keep them open, was Yaz.

_ How? _

It didn't make sense. Yaz had been in her arms what felt like mere moments ago, and Jane had held her, safe and sound. 

“Dear God!”

By the time Graham stood next to her, Jane had lost all control over her body, unable to move or say anything.

_ “Jane.” _

_ The moment she turned towards the voice and saw her aunt standing in front of the school, leaning against her car with eyes red and swollen, Jane's stomach started feeling like it had been turned inside out. _

_ “What are you doing here?” she snapped, stopping a couple of steps away from the car. _

_ “Jane, your parents…” A sob escaped her aunt. “I’m so sorry.” _

_ At the back of her mind, Jane knew what the words meant. She knew exactly what this conversation was going to be, and she didn’t want to hear it. Not now, not ever. _

_ “Their village was attacked.” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Janie.” _

_ “Don’t call me that”, she spat out. “Don’t you ever dare call me that!” _

_ And then she turned around and ran. _

_ “Jane!” _

“Jane!”

Brutally pulled back into the present moment, Jane saw Graham, now kneeling on the ground next to Yaz, putting pressure on the wound in her shoulder. He looked slightly panicked. “Jane I need my bag!”

Finally, Jane felt her reflexes kick in as she sprung into action. It was almost like someone else was manoeuvring her, controlling every move as she handed Graham the necessary equipment. She watched as her partner managed to stop the bleeding just enough for them to put Yaz on a cot, pushing her into the back of the ambulance.

“Drive!” Graham shouted as he hammered his hand against the division to the driver’s cabin, and Amy stepped on the gas a second later.

While Graham fixed a blood bag into Yaz’s IV, Jane was starting to feel sick to her stomach. Every fiber inside her being wanted to reach out, to hold Yaz’s hand, to cradle her face, to tell her that she was going to be okay, that Jane was right there with her. She wanted to kiss her pale lips, whispering to her about how somehow, Yaz already felt like home, like everything Jane had ever wanted. But instead, all she could do was watch, as the world around her drifted further and further away from her grasp and old memories latched around her throat like poisonous vines. She felt like she was going to suffocate. 

The moment they wheeled Yaz into the hospital, the doors of the emergency ward sliding shut behind her as Doctors took over, Graham turned to Jane.

“What were you  _ doing _ ?” he exclaimed, and Jane felt bile rise up at the back of her throat.

Instead of replying, she just spun around on her heels, running down the corridor and crashing into the nearest bathroom. 

The moment her knees hit the floor, she emptied her stomach contents out into the toilet in front of her.

_Not again_ , was all she could think as sobs started to rack her body. _Please._ _Not again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🙃


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments on the last chapter! :D I'm sorry I broke you all... or am I? ;P
> 
> Anyway, here's your next chapter!

The first time Yaz came to, all she could see was a blinding, white light right above her head, and frantic noises all around. But then somebody drew a mask over her mouth, and the darkness sucked her in once again.

The second time she woke up, the light had become less unforgiving, and she managed to look around a little bit, although there wasn’t much to see. A woman briefly stepped up to her bed, asking if she was in pain, to which Yaz shook her head. Everything felt woozy, and her head was spinning.

The third time around, her mind felt a little bit clearer, although her head was now throbbing with pain. She blinked, trying to adjust to the cold light.

“Mum! She’s awake!”

Her sister’s voice cut through the mist in her brain, and Yaz turned her head to the side just in time to see her mother jump out of a chair in the corner of the room, rushing towards her.

“Yasmin, oh I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Her mother wrapped her arms around her, carefully avoiding any pressure on Yaz’s shoulder, and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Your father is on his way, I couldn’t reach him at first but he’s hurrying”, she said as she pulled back, gently pushing a strand of hair behind Yaz’s ear.

“I’m okay, dad doesn’t need to get out of work for this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Yasmin. Of course he’s coming.”

Knowing that resistance was futile, all Yaz could do was smile in response.

“What happened, anyway?” her sister suddenly piped up. Yaz noticed that for once, Sonya’s nose wasn’t buried in a screen. In fact, her phone was nowhere to be seen.

“I”, Yaz started, frowning as she tried to bring the events of the day back into her mind. She had woken up, gotten washed and dressed for her prayer, then she had -

_ Jane. _

The thoughts that, for a moment, were running through her mind definitely weren’t of the nature she wanted to have in front of her mother of all people, and she desperately tried to fight down a blush.

Shaking her head, she tried to focus on what had happened after Jane had left. She had gotten dressed, then grabbed her bag to go grocery shopping. Bit by bit the morning came back to her, how she had thought about texting Jane to invite her over for dinner, how she had just walked into the shop, thinking about something nice that she could prepare for the blonde. Something a little fancy, maybe even a bit impressive.

“I went to the grocery store”, she finally said. “But when I walked inside there was someone in there. He was trying to rob the store, I could see his gun. Everyone was down on the floor, and there was this older woman next to me.”

Yaz stopped as she remembered the look of utter terror on the woman’s face. “She was so scared”, she whispered. “So I leaned over, told her it was going to be okay, that I’m working for the police. But then he -”

She stopped herself, swallowing hard. Standing in the shop’s doorway, she had realised her mistake as soon as the robber had turned around, glaring at her.

“Police”, he had growled, and before Yaz had even gotten a chance to lift her hands, he had fired the shot.

Yaz winced as she remembered the way it had felt, the sharp piercing of the bullet penetrating her skin, how she had been pushed back by the impact, falling out the door and crashing down on the sidewalk just outside. That’s when her memory ended.

_ No. _

She remembered more. A faint recollection of Graham’s voice, telling her that he was stopping the bleeding, calling out to Jane to hand him his bag.

“Jane!” she suddenly exclaimed, and Sonya slowly lifted an eyebrow.

“Who?”

“Mum, has anybody come in to visit?” she asked, ignoring the look Sonya was shooting her way. “Anybody aside from family?” she added.

“Well”, Najia started, and Yaz’s heart did a flip in her chest. “Ryan was here while you were still unconscious. He left before you woke up so he could go tell everyone at the precinct that you were okay.”

Yaz tried to hide her disappointment. If Jane had been the one to bring her in, why hadn’t she come by? Or had she been in before her mother and sister had made it here? Now that she thought about it, it probably would have seemed a bit daunting, Jane meeting her parents after they had literally just spent the night with each other. She would probably check in on her later, once the visiting hours were over.

“So, Jane”, her sister said, wiggling her eyebrows as she shuffled up to the bed.

Yaz groaned, closing her eyes. “Sonya, please.”

“Wait!” her sister suddenly exclaimed. “Is she the one you talked about all those weeks ago? The mean one? Oh my God I knew you wouldn’t be able to deal with all that angry tension.”

“Sonya!”

Yaz was incredibly grateful for her mother’s interruption, throwing Sonya an admonishing glare. 

“Your sister is recovering from a gunshot wound. Leave her alone.”

Mumbling something to herself, Sonya retreated to the corner of the room, slumping down into the chair and pulling out her phone. It was oddly comforting to see her sister fall back into the habit, almost like what had happened wasn’t such a big deal after all.

The last thing Yaz wanted to do was make a big deal out of it.

When there was a knock on the door a moment later, Yaz had to keep herself from shooting up straight in the bed, her heart suddenly beating fast.

“Hi guys, I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over.”

The nurse stood in the doorway, and apologetic smile on her face. Yaz vaguely remembered her as being the one who had asked about her pain earlier, although she knew her memory for that timespan was probably not to be trusted. 

“Your father”, Najia sighed. “Late as always.”

“Just give him a hug from me, alright?” Yaz said. “And tell him I’m fine, I’ll be out in…”

She turned to the nurse, lifting her eyebrows in a silent question.

“Four days, max”, the nurse replied, smiling encouragingly.

“Four days”, Yaz repeated.

After Najia and Sonya had said their goodbyes, Yaz quickly found herself drawn back into sleep. The heavy painkillers they had given her after removing the bullet were still raging through her system, making her head feel fuzzy. She tried staying awake, because she didn’t want to miss Jane when she would come by, but the pull of sleep was inevitably too strong, and she drifted off moments later.

When she woke up again, she wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The sky outside was dark now, and the only sounds were the quiet buzzing and humming of the medical equipment surrounding her. But Yaz had this odd feeling in her chest, like somebody was watching from the shadows.

“Jane?” she called out tentatively.

But there was no reply, and soon enough the drugs pulled her back under.

Every morning until she was allowed to go back home, Yaz woke up with her heart pounding, waiting to open her eyes to see Jane sitting in the chair next to her bed, lips pulled into that lopsided smile that Yaz had come to adore. But every morning, the chair was empty, and the people walking in and out of her room were nurses, doctors, and family, yet never Jane.

“Well, you ready to go home today?” the nurse cheerily asked her on the third day as she took Yaz’s blood pressure.

“Yeah”, Yaz replied, although she couldn’t chase the heavy feeling that had settled in her chest. She was desperately trying not to let her thoughts wander to where they were pulling her: to the why behind Jane’s absence. Although if Yaz was being honest, her sleepless nights had already thwarted that plan. There was no use trying to fight it: she felt silly, maybe even a little bit stupid.

Silly that she had thought her night with Jane had been the beginning of something more. Stupid to think that the blonde had feelings for her that extended beyond sex.

Yaz spent the rest of the day just sitting in her room, waiting for her father to come by. Her mother had insisted on someone driving Yaz home, although she would have preferred grabbing a cab. Her thoughts were a mess, and she had now arrived at the ultimate self-destructive spiral of “What did I do wrong”. She hated it, hated that one night with Jane had turned her into an emotional mess. It didn’t help that it was the first time in quite a while that Yaz had been intimate with anyone - she had been so focused on her job, so concentrated on putting all her energy into her work so she could rise through the ranks, that she had never really paused to consider romantic possibilities along the way. And then Jane had come crashing into her life, and she had made her angry, and then she had made her laugh, and then finally she had made her heart flutter, causing Yaz to open up in a way she hadn’t done in a long, long time.

Now Yaz found herself wishing that she had never accepted the blonde’s apology, had never had that first cup of tea with her, instead keeping the relationship strictly cold and professional.

Later, during the drive to her flat, Yaz didn’t say much, staring out the window while Hakim chattered away about crime rates, about how the city was getting worse and worse, about some sort of mafia conspiracy, and finally about how he was so glad that Yaz was alright and that he was very proud of her. She barely registered any of it.

“Do you need anything?”

“Hm?” she turned to her dad as he opened the door to her flat for her, looking concerned as he handed her back the keys. “Oh no”, she finally replied. “Thanks dad, but I just want to have some food and then go to sleep.”

“Alright, beti”, he said. “But you won’t hesitate to call us if you need anything?”

“Promise”, she said, and placed a kiss on his cheek.

As soon as the door behind her fell shut, she took a deep breath. She was going to be okay. This wasn’t the first time she had to get over someone, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. She just had to get through this week off before she could distract herself with work again, although she wasn’t looking forward to being chained to a desk until she was cleared for field duty again.

_ Get a grip _ , she told herself sternly. Maybe a cup of tea would help, a cup of tea and a movie in bed while she waited for her food delivery to arrive. She had been smart enough to order on her phone in the car, cutting the waiting time down to half an hour.

Bracing herself, she walked into the dark of the kitchen, and flicked the light switch next to the door.

The moment the room became visible, Yaz’s eyes fell on the counter.

There they were, like they were mocking her: Jane’s glasses, lying exactly the way she had left them after throwing them down carelessly while they had been making out.

Suddenly, Yaz felt like somebody had punched her right in the gut, knocking all the air out of her in the process. She slowly sank down onto one of the kitchen chairs, wringing her hands while she looked at the floor, bottom lip quivering.

_ No _ , she thought to herself as she brought a hand up to her face, teeth biting hard into her bottom lip.

But then it was already too late, and she felt the first tear running down her cheek. There was nothing she could do to stop them now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY COUNTRY IS ON LOCKDOWN YOU CAN'T COME AFTER ME


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so you all came after me but I managed to survive so here is the new chapter ;)

Jane was unable to say how many times she had stood in front of the door to Yaz’s room, one hand lifted, knuckles hovering inches away from the wood. Yet she never found the strength to knock. The first night, after her shift was done, she had somehow managed to open the door and take a look inside. But as soon as she had seen Yaz lying there, covered in white sheets and surrounded by medical equipment, she had been unable to breathe, feeling sick to her stomach once again, and then she had run.

She spent her days feeling like she was constantly on the brink of drowning, her head buzzing with voiceless thoughts. By some miracle, she was able to continue doing her job, as her body just seemed to have switched itself to auto-pilot. Her absent-mindedness didn’t go unnoticed, though, as Graham kept asking her if she was alright.

“Sure”, she would reply, smiling a little bit too hard every time. “I’m just tired.”

At least the fact that she was tired wasn’t a lie. She had been spending her nights tossing and turning, barely getting any sleep as her mind kept torturing her with images from her past, mixed with the fresher ones of Yaz lying on that pavement, bleeding.

She knew Yaz was probably hurting over the fact that Jane hadn’t come by to see her, especially after what had happened between them. If it were Jane in her place, she knew exactly how she would view the situation: she would think that she had been nothing but an easy shag, and she would feel devastated about it.

And yet every time she stood in front of that door, every time she wanted nothing more but to walk inside to cradle Yaz’s face in her hands and kiss her, she found that every single muscle in her body suddenly stopped cooperating, and she stood frozen for minutes before she would finally turn around and walk away once again.

It was all rolling through Jane’s mind again as she was lying in bed, wide awake despite an intense day at the hospital. Yaz had been discharged earlier that day, as her shoulder was healing well and there was no reason to constantly monitor her any longer. And still Jane hadn’t found the courage to talk to her. Once again, an image of Yaz’s blood covered shirt flashed through Jane’s mind, and she threw her covers to the side, breathing heavily. She could feel cold sweat starting to pool at her back, accompanied by the telltale darkening of the edges of her vision.

She tried to calm her breathing, but nothing seemed to work, so finally she just jumped up, threw on a pair of trousers and a jacket, grabbed her phone and keys and ran out of her flat into the cold night air.

The moment the fresh air hit her lungs, she felt a sense of relief wash over her, even though the coldness combined with the sweat on her face made her shiver. She let her feet guide her through the dark streets of the city, but no matter how hard she tried, her thoughts kept circling back to Yaz again and again. She could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes, and finally, she pulled her phone out of her jacket.

For a moment, her finger hovered over Yaz’s contact information, but then she scrolled up, choosing a different name altogether, nervously waiting for someone on the other end to pick up. She wasn’t even sure if the number was still in use, but she hoped nonetheless.

“Pond.”

The moment she heard Melody’s voice through the speaker, she could no longer hold back the tears.

“Mel”, she sobbed. “Mel I think I need help.”

\---

“There you go, sweetie”, Mel said as she handed Jane a cup of tea. She had told her to come over right away, sending a text with her address as soon as the phone call had ended. Now Jane was sitting on her couch, a blanket draped over her legs and a box of tissues at her side.

“Thanks for having me over”, she said quietly, holding the hot cup of tea in both hands, letting it warm her cold hands. 

“Of course”, Melody said. She sat down next to Jane, and for once, her usual piercing glare was replaced with genuine softness and concern. “Tell me what happened. Whenever you’re ready.”

After an initial moment of hesitation, Jane couldn’t finally couldn’t hold it together anymore, and it all broke out of her then: how she had always blamed herself for the last thing she had said to her mother; how she had been scared of being left behind ever since, of people walking away from her, through accidents or willingly; how after Melody she had chosen to be alone so nobody could ever leave her again; how Yaz had come into her life, somehow managing to chip away at her walls day after day, bit by bit; how Jane had started to feel like she could finally open up, only to find herself crippled by her fears once again. And then she cried, for the loss of her parents, for the loss of her ability to open up, and finally for the fear of having messed it all up with Yaz, too.

Through it all, Melody held her hand, quietly listening until there were no more words to speak, and no more tears to be shed. And then, taking Jane completely by surprise, she leaned over, enveloping her in a strong, tight hug.

Jane couldn’t remember the last time somebody had held her like that.

“Jane”, Melody spoke softly as she leaned back after a while, resting a hand on Jane’s cheek to brush away a tear with her thumb. “We need to get you some help.”

Jane didn’t reply, her eyes fixed on the floorboards as she fiddled with the blanket on her lap. Sensing her hesitation, Melody gently pushed Jane’s face towards herself so she could look at her.

“Sweetie, I think you’ve spent so much time desperately trying to be alright that you never even stopped to think that maybe you aren’t.”

The moment the words left Melody’s lips, Jane knew that she was right. She had fought so hard to keep her head over water that she hadn’t realised that she was out in the ocean, on her own, the whole time. 

Melody let go of her cheek, grabbing a pen and paper from the coffee table. Jane watched as she scribbled something down, then took it as Melody handed it to her. There, in Melody’s signature swirly handwriting was a name and a phone number.

_ Dr Clara Oswald _

“Clara is a good friend of mine, she’s a psychiatrist and one of the best trauma specialists I know”, Melody explained. I’ll give her a call tomorrow morning and ask her to fit you in soon.”   
  
“Trauma specialist?” Jane said, looking up at Melody. “Like PTSD? Mel, I’m sure there are people who need her help more than I-”

“No”, Melody interrupted her, her voice soft yet firm. “The first thing you need to understand, Jane, is that you deserve the help she can give you. In fact, you deserve all the help. I know it’s hard and a whole process of its own, but try not to think that you don’t.”

Jane nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the piece of paper in her hands. “Alright”, she finally said, voice still feeble.

“Good.”

Jane finally put the piece of paper into her jeans pocket, pulling the blanket up over herself in the next moment.   
  
“Can I stay here tonight?” she finally asked. She was already mentally preparing herself for Melody to say no - after all, they weren’t in college anymore, and the woman had a busy schedule, a husband and just, generally, a life.

She looked up in surprise as Melody just laughed next to her. “Don’t be silly”, the blonde said. “I’m not sending you out there in the middle of the night. You can have the couch, it’s quite comfy actually.”

“Thank you.”

“No need to thank me.”

As Melody got up, she frowned, turning back towards Jane. “One last thing though.”

“Hm?”

“You need to talk to your detective.”

Jane instantly felt blood rush to her face and a knot form in her stomach.

“I don’t”, she started. “I can’t…”

“Sweetie”, Melody interrupted her. “I know it is daunting, but I think that if you talked to her, told her the truth, she would understand.” Melody paused for a moment, then sighed. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think your detective is quite the fantastic woman. I sincerely don’t believe she would judge you if you explained things to her. But please, Jane”, she said, eyes pleading. “Don’t wait. Don’t let her be the one that got away. I have a feeling you’d end up regretting that so, so much.”

“I don’t want to lose her”, Jane finally admitted, a fresh tear escaping from the corner of her eye. 

“You won’t”, Melody said, smiling. “You just need a little courage. And if anyone can do it, I know it’s you.”

The words made Jane’s heart warm a little bit, and for the first time that evening, she felt her lips lifting into a smile. “Thanks, Mel.”

“Like I said, no need to thank me”, Melody replied, smiling. “Now, let’s get you to bed before that husband of mine finds the monopoly board and forces us to play with him.”

Jane couldn’t help but laugh at the image in her mind, of an exasperated Melody trying to buy her way out of jail. “He sounds like quite the character”, she said.

“Oh you have no idea”, Melody replied. Then, her face scrunched up in an expression of confusion and slight despair, she added: “He bought himself a fez the other day.”

“Fezzes are cool!” Jane immediately exclaimed, and Melody shook her head.

“Why did I have a feeling you would say that”, she sighed, then handed Jane a pillow from the cabinet. “Off to bed with you.”

As Jane got comfortable on the couch and the lights around her were switched off, she felt sleep tug at her soon after, and with a silent hope in her heart and an image of a smiling Yaz in her mind, she gave herself over to her dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're on our way to better times, friends, I promise ❤️


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's day one of the "we're not calling it a Lockdown but it is definitely a Lockdown" for our British friends, so have the new chapter a day early :) hope you enjoy!

Two days. That’s when Yaz had reached her limit. The walls of her flat had started to feel like they were closing in on her, leaving her with no room to breathe. The wound in her shoulder was itching, and her mind was stuck in a circle of thoughts she unsuccessfully tried to break. To top it all off, it didn’t exactly help that wherever she looked, she saw Jane. 

As she stood in the kitchen, trying to make herself some tea in the hopes that it would calm down her restlessness, an image of Jane, pressed up against her, flashed through her mind, and she could almost feel the ghost of the blonde’s lips on her neck. That was the moment she decided to give up.

So she grabbed her phone and keys, throwing a jacket over her shoulders since her arm was still in a sling, and walked out into the city. Yaz knew she was supposed to take it easy, make sure she wasn’t overexerting herself; after all, somebody had taken a shot at her barely a week ago.

The thought let a shiver run down her spine, but Yaz tried to suppress it. Her boss had already booked her in for a counselor’s appointment next week, and she was not looking forward to it, although she was well aware of its necessity. She had talked to police counselors before, while she was still in training. Opening up to a stranger was always hard, but it helped. Still, just like last time, Yaz knew she would have to push herself to actually go the appointment.

She found herself wandering aimlessly through the streets of Sheffield, stopping here and there to look listlessly at shop windows. The busy streets helped somewhat to calm the thoughts racing through her mind, but her arm actually started hurting more the longer she was walking around. Had she taken her pain meds before leaving the house? Yaz wasn’t sure anymore.

Just as she was starting to think that maybe it was time to head back home, she heard somebody call her name.

“Yasmin!”

Surprised, Yaz turned around to see Grace walking towards her, smiling as she lifted one hand to wave. 

“Grace!” Yaz exclaimed, reaching out with her uninjured arm so the two women could share a sideways hug. “How is everything?”

“I should ask you that”, Grace said, eyeing up Yaz’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t be out and about like this just yet.”

Yaz had to resist the urge to pout at the older woman’s words. She knew Grace was only trying to watch out for her, and admittedly Yaz  _ wasn’t _ supposed to be walking around for too long.

“I’m fine”, Yaz mumbled, realising too late that her words had been accompanied by her hand subconsciously moving over her wound.   
  
“We should sit you down for a bit, love”, Grace said, eyes fixing on the bakery on the other side of the street. “Fancy a cuppa?”

Yaz nodded, giving in to the woman’s kind determination. She knew Grace well enough to realise there was no use trying to resist anyway. So she let herself be guided over, shrugging off her jacket as she walked in to sit down at a small table while Grace headed to the counter to get them some tea.

“I don’t think I’ve been here before”, she said, eyeing the place up. The place looked warm and cozy, with no more than a handful of tables and chairs inside, each item of furniture not quite matching the one next to it. 

_ Jane would love this place. _

She chided herself as soon as the thought crossed her mind, but something about the expression on her face must have given her away, and Grace shot her a look as she set a steaming mug down in front of her.

“Do you want to talk about it, love?”

Yaz sighed. Did she? Letting her index finger glide along the handle of her cup, she pondered the question. She hadn’t exactly done well when left alone with her thoughts lately, so maybe this was the right thing to do.

“I’ve just been feeling a bit out of it since the… incident, that’s all.”

“Oh Yaz”, Grace said, leaning over to put a hand over Yaz’s. “That’s completely normal. Something big happened to you, and I can’t imagine how scary it must have been.”

Yaz nodded, not lifting her eyes from the mug. Maybe just keeping their conversation to the shooting would be safer after all.

“But you know we’re all here for you, whatever you need. You’ve got Ryan, Graham and me, and your whole wonderful family. Not to mention Jane. I was tempted to just hand her over my access code to the patient files. She kept crashing into my office demanding to see your stats.”

Yaz’s head shot up, mouth going dry.

“What?”

“Yes!” Grace said, laughing. “The nurses in your ward would have kicked her out the first time. But you know me, I can’t say no to that quirky paramedic. And she was obviously so worried, so I let her look.”

“But”, Yaz started, mind racing. “But-”

Jane had looked at her chart. Multiple times. Jane cared? It didn’t make sense. If the blonde had even the slightest hint of feelings towards Yaz, which her fussing over Yaz’s patient file clearly suggested, why would she not even bother to come visit her? Why had she not stormed into her room, like Yaz had imagined when she lay awake at night, grabbing her face between her palms and kissing her? 

“Yaz.”

The worry in Grace’s voice finally pulled Yaz back into the present, but her mind was still filled to the brim with questions, buzzing relentlessly in the background. There was an unspoken question in Grace’s eyes, and Yaz decided to buy herself some time by taking a long gulp of tea, now cooled down enough to be drinkable. She felt Grace’s eyes on her the whole time, knowing the woman was unlikely to let it go, unless Yaz would actively ask her to.

She sat the mug down, carefully, letting out a long breath.

“I just expected her to come see me, which she didn’t. I’m surprised that she checked in with you instead.”

It was a half-truth, but Yaz hoped that it would be enough.

Grace frowned. “She didn’t?” Then after a short pause, she added, sounding confused: “By the way she fussed over your charts I thought you two maybe -”

Grace stopped herself before finishing the sentence, but the implication was clear.

_ Oh no _ , Yaz thought, as she felt a treacherous warmth spread through her cheeks and all the way up to the tip of her ears. 

“Oh”, was all Grace said, and Yaz dropped her gaze to the table, wishing the floor would open up underneath and swallow her whole.

“I just”, Yaz started, trying not to let the tears that were starting to well in her eyes spill over. “I just don’t get why she wouldn’t come see me.”

“Oh Yaz, love”, Grace said, once again reaching out to hold Yaz’s hand. “Have you tried reaching out to her?”

Yaz shook her head. She hadn’t thought about herself making the first step - after all,  _ she _ had been the one who had gotten shot, she thought, not without a hint of bitterness.

“I think you need to talk to Jane. Graham said she was in pretty bad shape after they brought you in”, Grace finally said, and Yaz looked up to find the older woman’s eyes full of concern. “I think”, she continued, an unreadable expression flitting over her features. “I think there’s a lot about Jane that we don’t know - not because she doesn’t want to tell us, I think, but because she isn’t able to. Not yet anyway.”

Yaz let Grace’s words sink in. Her mind turned to her and Jane’s walk through the park just a week ago. Yaz had been so busy with her own feelings in the presence of the blonde that she had almost missed it, but now that she thought about it, it felt so clear. The way Jane talked about her past, like she was slowly peeling back a curtain, ever so carefully allowing Yaz to catch a glimpse inside, letting it go just before Yaz could get a full picture of what lay behind. She remembered how vulnerable the blonde had seemed while talking about her past with Melody, and her dreams for the future.

And Yaz realised with a jolt that Jane clearly hadn’t talked about herself with anybody in a long, long time.

Still, it didn’t make sense to Yaz - not yet anyway. However, her hurt over the blonde seemingly abandoning her was now accompanied by a sort of curiosity about the reasons behind it. And there was something else as well, something that, after a moment, Yaz recognised as hope. She tried not to feel it - not just yet. There was still too much confusion and, frankly, hurt.

Yaz lifted her mug, emptying it in one gulp. As she put it back down, Grace was smiling.

“Talk to her”, she said and then, after a moment, she added carefully: “I think it would do both of you good.”

Again, Yaz felt her cheeks grow hot in spite of herself.

“Now”, Grace said, laughing. “You need to get home! Get some rest. Nurse’s orders.”

They said their goodbyes in front of the bakery not long after, Yaz now carrying a bag full of bread and pastries that Grace had insisted on getting for her.

“I know you”, she had said, pulling Yaz in front of the counter. “I’m not having you eat takeout every day for the next week.”

As Yaz turned away from the bakery, she found her thoughts were once again circling around the same subject. Grace was right, she finally concluded. She would have to talk to Jane, even though it might hurt. For all she knew, her fears might be true after all, the blonde wanting nothing more to do with her.

Just as she was walking down the street, the world around her suddenly turned an ominous shade of grey. Frowning, she looked up at the sky above, hung with dark and heavy clouds. With a jolt, she realised that she did not carry an umbrella, and she was probably left with about five minutes before the flood gates above her would open.

So she picked up her pace, walking down the street as quickly as she could. When the first drops started falling, she quietly cursed herself for not at least having chosen a jacket with a hood on it. She resisted the urge to start running, an image of Grace’s face, flashing her a warning look, passing through her mind. Yaz would walk, albeit as quickly as she could without falling into a jog. Pulling her jacket closer around her injured shoulder, she braced herself against the wind that had started to pick up speed around her.

By the time Yaz was around the corner from her apartment, the downpour had grown so much that it was getting hard to see ahead. So much so that she didn’t realise there was a person sitting on the steps of her building, hair clinging to the sides of her face and clothes a soggy mess, until she was standing just a couple of steps away from her.

“Yaz.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3 let me know what you think - your comments always make my day :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for: The Talk.

Jane wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting on the steps in front of Yaz’s building. When Yaz hadn’t answered her door, she had decided to wait for her, since she wasn’t sure she would have the strength and courage to find her way back another day if she left now.

She had been so lost in thought, wringing her hands in her lap as she tried to calm herself down at least a little bit, that she hadn’t even noticed the first drops of rain hitting the ground around her. By the time she realised what was going on, her coat was already half soaked through, and she decided there was no use trying to hide from the downpour now. She would just sit it out. 

Feeling the cold slowly seep into her bones, she went over what she was going to say, again and again, changing words here and there, trying to find a way to really let Yaz know, to let her understand, to let her  _ in _ .

The moment she saw dark brown boots stop only a couple of steps away from her, her head shot up, heartbeat jumping into her throat.

“Yaz”, she said, awkwardly jumping up from the stairs. She suddenly realised how heavy the now dripping wet coat was weighing on her shoulders. Jane remembered how light and warm it had felt the morning she had left Yaz’s apartment, a hint of the woman’s perfume lingering on it, wrapping itself around Jane like an embrace.

Yaz blinked, once, twice, as if trying to regain focus. Then, a moment later, her face turned stony and she froze.

“I’ll go get your glasses”, she said, voice calm and not without a hint of coldness to it.

Jane frowned, suddenly feeling confused. “What?”

“Your glasses”, Yaz repeated. “You left them here on…” The detective paused, seemingly struggling with something for a moment. “On my counter”, she finally finished, averting her gaze.

“Oh”, Jane said, blushing as she remembered how her glasses had landed there, and it took her a moment to gather her thoughts once more. When she saw Yaz take a step towards her, looking intent on just shuffling past to get up the stairs, Jane sprang back into action.

“Wait!” she said, hand outstretched towards Yaz, flinching and pulling it back as the woman shot her a cold look.

_ I guess I had that coming _ , she thought.

“I’m not here for my glasses”, she finally said, eyes pleading. “Please, Yaz. I’m here to explain.”

She watched as Yaz’s eyes softened a little bit, the way they had back when Jane had apologised to her for the first time, starting off their friendship in the middle of a hospital corridor. The thought made Jane’s heart beat faster, and a silent hope stirred in her chest.

Finally, Yaz moved, crossing her arms in front of her chest and nodding. “Go ahead.”

The rainfall was starting to slow down around them, and Jane took a deep breath, eyes trailing over the ground as she tried to remember the speech she had planned on giving. But no matter how hard she looked, her mind was completely blank. Before she could start to panic, she decided to just go for it, speaking the words as they would come to her, trusting that as long as she was being honest with Yaz, there might be a chance that she hadn’t lost her after all.

“My parents”, she finally spoke, choosing every word with the greatest care. “My parents were working for Doctors Without Borders, often in unstable regions. They usually made sure that only one of them was on assignment at a time, so the other one could stay home with me.”

The memories were immediately threatening to engulf her, taking Jane out of the now and back into a time when she thought she knew so much, yet didn’t understand anything at all. Had things really changed since then?

She started wringing her hands once more, the contact with her own skin bringing her back into the present. Yaz’s confusion at the admittedly strange way of starting an apology was almost palpable.

_ Don’t give up now _ , Jane thought.

“One time”, she continued, “they got an offer to go together, help train local doctors in a brand new hospital. The region had just become more stable again after peace talks between the local militias, so they agreed to go. When they left, I -”

Jane was fighting a battle against herself, trying to get the words out, as her eyes were starting to fill with tears and a lump formed at the back of her throat. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Yaz’s face, a frown painted across her forehead, mouth half open like she wanted to say something. But Jane knew she had to get it all out in one go, otherwise she would never be able to say what she came to her for. And so she swallowed hard, determined to speak her truth to Yaz.

“The morning they left”, Jane said, her voice coming out much smaller and strained than she had hoped, “I snapped at my mother. I told her that she didn’t care about me, and I didn’t say goodbye to her or my father before they left for the airport. I went and locked myself away in my room instead.”

She let out a shaky breath, squeezing her eyes shut as the first tear started rolling down her cheek.

“They were shot dead two days later.”

Jane felt more than saw Yaz’s reaction as the air around them suddenly stopped moving.

“Jane”, Yaz finally breathed. “I had no idea.”

Jane lifted a hand, forcefully running it through her wet hair as she tried to calm her breathing, steeling herself for what she still had to say. Suddenly, Yaz reached out towards her, placing a soft hand on Jane’s arm. She looked up in surprise, finding an openness in the other woman’s eyes that gave her the courage to continue, to speak the words she had truly come here for.

“Yaz”, she said, daring to take a step closer towards her. Yaz did not move away. “When I saw you with your wound I… I lost it. I saw it all happening again right in front of me, and it scared me, and I just -”

She took another breath, guilt washing over her.

“The truth is, I’ve been running for so long I can barely even remember when I started. When my parents died, I ran. When Mel told me she would go work for Doctors Without Borders, I ran. But Yaz”, she said, taking the woman’s hand off her arm to hold onto it, tight. “Yaz for the first time in my life, I don’t want to run away anymore. I don’t want to run from  _ you _ . And I’m so, so sorry that for a moment, I did just that. I left you alone. But I never want that to happen again. Yaz, if you would be willing to try again, if you still want me, I’m going to be right here with you for as long as you’ll have me.”

She looked at Yaz, desperately trying to decipher the expression on the woman’s face while her heart was beating so hard into her chest that it almost hurt. She waited for a reaction, any reaction, as her entire body tensed up in anxious anticipation.

“I thought”, Yaz finally spoke, voice hoarse. “I thought I was just a quick, fun night for you.”

The words felt like somebody had stuck a knife right into Jane’s heart and then twisted it.

“No”, she said, hating herself for having caused Yaz this kind of pain, wishing desperately that she could make Yaz believe, could make her  _ see _ what she truly meant to her. “ _ No _ . God I am so sorry that I made you feel like that, because it is the last thing that I wanted. Yaz”, she said, now holding the detective’s hand in both of her own. “Yaz the reason I slept with you is because the way I feel about you - I haven’t felt like that about anyone in a long, long time.”

As the words hit the air between them, she drew in a breath, realising what she had just admitted. She watched as Yaz’s eyes went wide in surprise and a faint blush crept over the detective’s face as her gaze dropped to the ground between them.

“I see”, she mumbled.

The rain around them had been reduced to a lazy drizzle, and the world was no longer looking quite as dark as it had moments ago. Yaz made no effort to pull her hand away, and Jane started to think that maybe, just maybe, things could work out between them after all.

“I’m getting help”, she suddenly blurted out, and Yaz’s head shot up. “A trauma specialist”, she explained, and Yaz’s mouth formed a silent “oh” in response. She remembered the talk she had had with Dr Oswald the day before, the kindness that had been so strong in the woman’s voice, and felt hope blossom through her chest. “I want to get better. Not just for you, but for myself. I talked to the doctor on the phone yesterday, and she said -”, Jane paused, trying to keep fresh tears from spilling as the next words came out as barely more than a whisper. “She said I can still be fixed.”

“Oh Jane”, Yaz breathed, and suddenly, she stood so close to her, her eyes full of kindness and vulnerability as she gently placed a hand on Jane’s cheek, and slowly shifted the other one around in order to carefully intertwine their fingers. The simple yet intimate gestures made Jane’s breath hitch in her throat. “You are not broken.”

Jane didn’t know what to say, waves of feelings crashing through her chest, silencing her every time she tried to open her mouth to speak, and so instead of saying anything, she just closed her eyes, pressing her cheek into the palm of Yaz’s hand.

_ You are not broken _ , she kept thinking.  _ You are not broken. _

After a while, Yaz broke the silence, asking a single question, carefully spoken into the air between them.

“You won’t run away from me again?”

Jane’s eyes fluttered open as she shook her head, squeezing Yaz’s hand. “I won’t”, she said. “I don’t want to ever again. I promise.”

And then Yaz looked up, dropping her hand from Jane’s cheek to let it hover just inches in front of the blonde’s chest instead, right above her heart, just like she had done once before.

“We’ll have to take things slower this time”, Yaz finally said, voice soft, eyes gentle.

Jane nodded. “I know.”

“I’ll need a while to wrap my head around all this.”

“I get that.”

A beat of silence between them, the only sound Jane could hear being the incessant, thunderous beat of her own heart, threatening to burst out of her chest. She craved nothing more than to reach out and pull Yaz close, wrap her up in her arms once more, but she did not dare just yet. Instead she stood still in a suspended moment, every fiber of her being bursting with her feelings for the woman in front of her.

Ever so gently, Yaz finally let her hand come to rest on Jane’s chest, who let out a long breath she had not realised she was holding. 

“Thank you for opening up to me”, Yaz said.

And then she leaned up, breathing the softest of kisses against Jane’s lips, leaving her breathless in a moment of complete happiness. When she pulled back, Jane felt her cheeks grow warm and new tears form in her eyes, of an entirely different kind than the ones that had been shed just moments before. Yaz turned her head, resting her cheek on Jane’s shoulder, and Jane slowly moved her arm, tentatively wrapping it around her, careful not to put too much pressure on Yaz’s shoulder.

They stood like that for a while, until the first rays of sunlight started breaking through the clouds, and the world began to brighten around them once more, as if waking from a long, deep slumber. Jane pressed her nose against Yaz’s hair, breathing in, not wanting to let the woman go ever again. 

When Yaz pulled back, something had melted away between them, leaving space for something new - something better. And then Yaz spoke a simple question filled with the promise of a new beginning:

“Do you want to come up for some tea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it :) Please consider leaving a comment, I love hearing your thoughts :)


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it! This is the end of this journey for now, and I wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who followed along. Especially to the people who took the time to leave a kind word behind - there is no better motivation for a writer than to hear people's thoughts. It really does make my day!
> 
> Before we get started with this epilogue, I also wanted to thank JTtrack2 again for taking the time to beta this fic! 
> 
> Here we go:

"I come bearing tea." 

Before Jane had even lifted her head, Yaz could see the smile spreading over her face, and it made the detective's heart skip a beat.

"Hi", the blonde spoke, their eyes meeting across the rooftop of the maternity ward. 

Yaz let the door fall closed behind her, taking a deep breath of the fresh night air before she walked over to Jane, handing her a steaming mug. 

"You're an angel", Jane breathed, reaching up with her free hand. Gently placing it on the nape of Yaz's neck, she pulled her down into a kiss. 

Once again, Yaz's heart was suddenly busy doing somersaults in her chest, and her lips tingled as Jane's danced against them. When they finally pulled apart, they were both smiling. 

"Sit", Jane said, patting the space next to her. "Are you cold?" 

"Nah, I'm good", Yaz said. "Grace says hi by the way."

Jane smiled in return, taking a sip from her mug. As soon as the warm liquid hit her lips, she closed her eyes and let out a sigh. "The best", she breathed. 

The air around them had started to warm up, even during the night. Spring was finally just around the corner, and Yaz was looking forward to all the things they could get up to in their free time now - Saturdays spent at the zoo and evenings spent strolling around the city. 

As she sat next to Jane, letting her head rest on the blonde's shoulder, her gaze drifted out over the city lights. She felt peaceful, happy, and not for the first time in the last three months, silently grateful for her and Jane having found their way back to each other. It had come with its challenges, and they had taken things slowly, but Yaz knew without a doubt that it had been the right choice - for both of them, she hoped.

Jane shifted slowly next to her, and Yaz practically felt the blonde's thoughts swirl in her head - it was almost like a sixth sense she had developed lately. 

"Difficult session?" she finally asked, quietly, softly, letting Jane know with a squeeze of her hand that she wouldn't have to answer if she didn't want to. 

A moment passed, then Jane let out a sigh. "Yeah", she mumbled, and then added, quietly: "Loads of crying this time." 

Yaz lifted her head from Jane's shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the Paramedic's cheek before she pulled back. She knew that crying didn't come easily to Jane, that she had spent a lot of time desperately pushing any of those feelings down, and that it meant a lot that she had found the strength over the last few months to let them out once again. Yaz admired her for it. 

"Do you want to talk about it or do you want a distraction?" 

Jane smiled. "Distraction, please. I think I've talked about stuff quite enough for today." 

"Alright", Yaz said, and her eyes lit up as she grinned, picking her bag off the floor. 

Jane suddenly looked mildly concerned, and she frowned as Yaz shoved her hand into her bag. 

"What…" 

Pulling out a deck off white paper, Yaz's grin spread even wider. "I made us flashcards."

She watched as realisation dawned on Jane's face, and the blonde broke out into laughter. It was Yaz's favorite sound in the world, she had come to realise. 

"Alright, alright", Jane finally said, holding out a hand. "Give me your half." 

"Perfect", Yaz said, going through the cards and then separating the pile in what was roughly the middle. 

As Jane looked at the cards, her face scrunched up. "I can't believe you're making me study on my break." 

"Future Jane will thank me for it." 

"Yes", Jane said, sighing. "Yes, she will." 

"Alright, here we go", Yaz said as she looked down at the first card on the pile. Then, a thought flashed through her mind. "What about you get 5 of these right in a row, and we order takeout after work."

At that, Jane's eyes instantly lit up, and she looked like a child on Christmas. "Yes!" she exclaimed, and Yaz chuckled. 

_ Food always works _ , she thought, and smiled. 

"Alright future Mrs Doctor, can you tell me all the bones of the hand, please." 

"Really? That one's easy." 

Yaz lifted an eyebrow, making a "go ahead" motion with her free hand. 

Jane lifted her left hand, and started pointing at the corresponding parts of her hand as she rattled off the response in record time, puffing out her chest as she finished. 

"You're going to ace those entry exams", Yaz grinned. "One point to you."

"Your turn", Jane said, picking up a card from the pile in front of her. "Future Detective  _ Sergeant  _ Kahn: what's the difference between "actus reus" and "mens rea"?"

"Now  _ you're _ asking the easy questions", Yaz grinned. "Actus reus is the actual physical action of committing the crime, mens rea is the state of mind behind the action."

Jane nodded, and then leaned forward to place another kiss on Yaz's lips. "I like it when you talk all technical", she mumbled against Yaz's lips, and the Detective felt the tips of her ears burn. 

"Yeah?" she whispered back, and then suddenly Jane dropped the cards she was holding in favor of shuffling closer to Yaz, wrapping both arms around her neck as she kissed her deeply. 

When they finally came up for air, Jane was practically sitting on Yaz's lap, with both the detective's arms slung around her waist. 

Yaz was just about to make a joke about how they weren't going to get anywhere with their studying if they went on like this, when she saw the look in Jane's eyes and stopped herself. 

The blonde's gaze was filled with something indecipherable, something strong yet soft at the same time. A silent determination, wrapped up in… Yaz did not dare think it. Love? 

Finally, the blonde spoke, voice quiet yet strong:

"I'm not scared when you're around." 

The words hit Yaz square in the chest, her eyes going wide as a memory, distant, almost faded, pushed itself to the forefront of her mind. Jane, speaking those same words to her, just as Yaz had succumbed to sleep, all those months ago when they had held each other for the first time. 

"I love you."

The words tumbled over her lips before Yaz could stop them, and once they had hit the air between them, she knew she never wanted to take them back, for they were true. 

Jane's eyes went wide and then, without missing a beat, she pulled Yaz into another kiss.

When they broke apart, foreheads resting against each other, Jane breathed her response, although they both already knew it. 

They sat in silence then, while the sky around them slowly started to light up, casting the world around them in a hue of gold. 

"Time for your prayers", Jane said softly, and Yaz slowly became aware of the world around them once more. She locked eyes with Jane, the blonde still smiling, that kind and soft smile that Yaz had fallen for in the first place. 

With another, short kiss, they moved apart, Yaz standing up to face the rising sun.

This, she thought, was her new favourite place in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> If you want to read more of my writing, I just started a new fic: a lighthearted retelling of classic fairy tales involving Yaz and the Doctor, called "Once Upon a Time Lord". The first tale, Cinderyaz, went up yesterday and I would love it if you guys would go check it out :)
> 
> You can come follow me on Tumblr! I am @fuxdeiflswued and my asks are always open :)
> 
> Until next time!


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